as i drove away all i could think of were your words to me a few days ago - about how a good leader draws the greatness out of other people. and how i know that i did that today with h - i drew out his ability to handle difficult situations - and i stood back a bit and let him handle it, and he did really really a great job.
I've been reading along, yes.
Zig, you did an amazing job over the course of this with breaking the patterns.
I have to admit that being supportive for you is the easiest thing in the world. You, dear zig, have bloomed into your own greatness through this unfortunate situation and truly are a fantastic role model for any to follow.
It was impressive to watch you work through this hump and get to where you are now. Keep up those positive changes.
While anyone is capable of doing what you are doing, not everyone is able to. And that's OK. That's one thing I've had to learn and I hope you understand that, yourself. That too will help you become an even greater leader and encourage that in others.
What I want to point out is that your H is like a toddler in this. Because these people, our WAS... or MLCers... would we be behaving the way we are if they were our children? Would we give up on them? Blame them? Chastise them? Daemonize them?
No...
That's where OUR CHOICE... RIGHT HERE... RIGHT NOW... can make a huge difference...
Getting out of our own way... dropping our own ego... and growing in significant ways so that we can also encourage that growth in others around us... perhaps our spouses... and maybe... save our Ms...
When we have our expectations... as in how you originally thought it would look for your H to step up to his role as a father... as your mother expected your dad to step up in his role... it doesn't look like we expected... so we internally see it as wrong and jump in to fix... and rationalize it as them being unable or unwilling to step into their greatness... for them to grow... to do things in a way that is different than how we'd do it... because our belief systems own us and suggest that if it's not our way... it won't work... it isn't good enough...
You've done an amazing job and your H WILL grow through this... as you continue to encourage his positive growth... and it WILL look different than you envision... and that is OK... his way is no better or worse than yours... unless you think it is...
