The real specific changes I have made are in my attitude. I was very passive aggressive, negative and get angry over little things (in retrospect) with my wife and that has been a 180. I have my own business and it does really well. Still, I was always arguing with my wife about money. That has stopped. I worked a ton. My normal day was to work from roughly 4/5 am to 3, get home and spend some time with the kids. When they went to bed or even before I would watch a show, or work, or play on the computer. Since my 180 I do have been going in a lot latter, still getting home at 3 but spending more time as a family. No more work at home, shows or computer. I am involved.
I wrote down the 20 new habits that I want to form and I have been sticking to them very well:
1. Always focus on the positive. Say yes whenever possible. Do. 2. Listen. Listen. Listen. Give undivided attention. Love is communicated many ways. Find how others want to be loved and appreciated. Then do it! 3. Seek to understand not to be understood. Ask questions to understand deeply. Advice is not understanding. 4. Avoid conflict unless necessary. Do not try to fix others. Fix yourself first. 5. Challenge myself every day. Lead an exciting life. Grow. 6. Treat the ones I love better than anyone else. Better than friends, co-workers or strangers. 7. Give the gift of time to those I love. Spend time and do things, anything, with them. 8. Anger should be an emotion of last resort if at all. Learn to despise it. 9. Learn patience. Deep breathes. 10. Exercise regularly. 11. If you are thankful – say it! Don’t just think it. 12. Start each day and live it as if it was the day I wanted it to be. As if I had but a few days left. 13. Find humor. Smile more. Enjoy life. 14. Actions speak louder than words. Show you care. Daily! 15. Always be reading and learning about love, understanding, passion, romance. Keep it alive. 16. Learn to communicate better. Learn to understand better. 17. Forgive those you love without being asked. Forgiveness to a loved one is a gift I give myself. 18. Blame, guilt and being right are not important. Happiness is. 19. Start each day in a good mood no matter what. Go to sleep each day thinking of the ones I love. 20. Do not backslide. Fight to keep my hard earned changes. Never forget what you were. Realize what you are. Work towards what you want to be.
I have gone out on my own a few times now which my wife has found shocking. I have started taking dance lessons which was even more shocking.
As far as my wife goes she is not sleeping well. She has always had a cheerful disposition but lately she has been grumpy. She has told me she is getting conflicting advice from friends. She did have one visit with a psychiatrist. I think she is going to go back again. She will not go to one together. We are still very friendly together and have fun together especially with the kids. At least in the short term she is planning on being together it seems as she has asked me about some travel dates in the beginning of October so she could make some other plans.
As mentioned in a previous post she made the following comments:
- I was the one changing and she was not so how could we be happy - We have never been happy (Not true) - How can I change so quick - I am desperate to keep her and once she agrees to stay I will change back (I do not ever want to go back to the way things were) - She is angry at me for changing now, I could have changed earlier and we could have been happy earlier (I think that is what she said) - She still felt it might be too late to save the marriage - That she was afraid to be alone
Today she told me she was thinking of starting her own business. I encouraged her too.
The hard part is the patience for me and figuring out where this is going. I think I am in a better spot then a lot of people and I am grateful for the time and chance my wife was giving me. It really is hard to try and see what she is really saying. I think what she is saying is that she still does not think she can fall back in love with me and that she does not trust me to stick to my changes. Does that seem right?
