Bklyn Still Here P2

[25yearsmlc]

Bkl,

here's the thing about your anger. Not just YOURS, but anger in this situation in general AND in your sitch too. I have given this so much thought the past few years. And read some books by new age author Marianne Williamson, who actually has great stuff on anger and fear, and older materials about forgiveness and letting go.


1) I could have gone line by line to argue your h's point of view above, about how hurt he was by your conduct and that you should not have "needed" to be told not to mistreat a spouse, that's it's obviously wrong and blaming him for not stopping you sooner, is more rationalizing, etc...

OR His pain about having his children witnessing that and I"m pretty sure he believes that it hurt them in some way to see that m as it was, before.


But you seemed to just be venting and not wanting to justify yourself, but instead to be accepting your pain/anger, so I chose not to go that route (even though I mention it, sorry).

2) Plus that^^arguing his side, might have made you feel defensive and then WE would be arguing OR

you'd feel worse with shame or regret. Regret or guilt TO ME, only helps if it means my conscience is making me think and then, changing my behaviors and actions.

Shame, if it lasts for long, is wringing our hands in a self loathing way which I sometimes think is a version of self pity.

Anyhow, shame seems counter productive and results in little self awareness or growth if we wallow in it.

3) Anger takes an enormous amount of energy. We have a limited, finite amount of energy and time for our lives.

So I think it's best to figure out HOW to improve our lives and that goes back to improving ourselves which is the first step for all of us. And the second step and the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and so on.

We change and we change and we evolve into becoming our best selves.

THEN we leave the results/outcome up to God,

we move forward in our lives with our heads held high, & we go in peace.