We have threatened eachj other with divorce before. My husband is the happy go lucky type, doesn't care about any thing. I am a serial pessimist (I tend to think of it as a realist always prepared for the worst) and we both can not stand that about the other. Unfortunately neither of us have learned to tone it down with the other.
Our biggest issue is trust (huge) and communication (I think a lot of relationships have this issue at first.) trust issues stem from him lying and not telling me things, mainly financial. I also found him chit chatting with an old FWB female, and even though she is about to be married and has a kid, he offered to meet her for coffee. I snooped through his email (trust issue) and found out. He has also not told me about the time he went and played golf with a female, even though it was a friend from college. He has told me that guys only hang out with girls to get in their pants, and they can't be friends. I took him literally on that.
This is also a huge issue because I am in the military (Guard) and away at training another three weeks. Iave been gone since before Memorial Day.
The other huge lying is about finances. He managed to hide about $98,000 of debt from me befre we were married. I didn't find out about it from him telling me. IRS took our tax refund and notices came in the mail for other debts. We didn't have that much when we were first married and now we do, but I still nag him about spends money and have not let out the leash even though we have caught up on his financial mess. He resents me for that.
Sunday (week ago) he took the 18 year old pet sitter to lunch and didn't tell me about it before hand. I absolutely flipped out. I then said forget this, we are done you can't stop lying, and sent his dad an email telling him I couldn't deal with this any more. Stupid I know but I was on an emotional rage to put it mildly. We split up money and assets on paper. I consulted an attorney as did he on Wednesday. That said, I had calmed down and nearly thought about this. I told him before marriage I didn't believe in divorce. I still don't. I asked him for one month of marriage counseling for one month. I didn't beg or plead, just said we are at rock bottom, why not try? He became mad and said no, forget that two weeks of twice a week so we aren't dragging this out more than it needs to be.
I said ok, what is is you want? He told me to end this and move on. I said he needed to do that if that was what he wanted. He then said 'well what I want is not always what is best.' I have no idea what that means. he has not filed.
My military friends tell me that this is normal for being apart, especially for being a female in the military. I don't know if I should believe them or not. He has insecurities with me hanging out with guys one on one etc. and now I see why (after taking the pet sitter not lunch.)
He keeps saying we just don't get along and keep making each other miserable. I can't stop nagging, he continues to lie instead of telling me aout things because I'd nag. He has been getting better with money and telling me anout stuff, but I was so distrusting i did not believe him.
After our last convo, I told him ok, I wouldn't call or anything to let him make up hiding. I have not unless important. I texted him info about finances and the dog went to the vet so he told me about her (all via text.)
The biggest thing I am having to fight right now are his friends, who he has told. They all support him divorcing of course. I don't know how I can compete with that.
I have ordered DB books off of amazon, and signed up for three phone coaching sessions (waiting on them to call me back to set up my first coaching session.)
Any thoughts? I will move back in to the house we live in when I am back but for now I am almost 2000 miles away
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
