Thanks for the great advice. I read the 5LL and realize that my wife's language is quality time. Something that I never gave her. I have focused on changing what I was doing wrong and the truth is I needed to change. I feel like a better and happier person. I do not ever want to go back to the way I was. The 180 has helped as it has allowed me to get control of my self. No more following her around like a lost puppy, saying I love you, sending emails and love letters. I have become agreeable and helpful and give her, when she wants it, my time without interruption. And this is where it got strange.
2 weeks into my 180 I have done a few things and asked her to join me. She politely declined. Thursday she told me she wanted to go out to see a band. I got the kids to spend the night somewhere else. We went to a restaurant we have always want to go to and spent about 6 hours together. I was even more excited because she was not feeling well and still wanted to go. Conversation was awkward - but we were together. At one point she asked about my therapy sessions and mentioned that "I tried to change you for so long". I was not sure to say to that. We went home and went to bed.
I am an early riser and the next morning instead of getting up and doing something around the house or working I just laid in bed next to her. After a while I realized she was awake and we laid there for about an hour I think. then she rolled over and said she was "really mad at me for changing - that I did not change sooner and we wasted all this time", that "I was the one changing and she wasn't so how could we be happy" that "we have never been happy" (which I do not feel is true), that "I did not change before" (told her that was the old me), she also mentioned she felt "it was to late to save our marriage" and that she also was afraid to be alone. She also brought up so sexual compatibility issues and mentioned we how do we fix that - something I am not worried about right now.
Just confused how to take all of that. Still sticking to my 180. Hard to process all of it. I led there mostly and told her I understood. Which I do for the most part. Scary to hear that she still thinks it might be to late.
