Need HOPE part III

[25yearsmlc]

I see a lot of hope in your situation as long as you don't let her cake eat too much.

And yet don't come off as a hot tempered punitive guy either. It can be a fine line.

But you have the home and the kids and that's HUGELY in your favor. Perhaps a part of her felt overly burdened by your deployments.

My h is deployed now and while I worry a lot about him, I have to admit I resent the amount of "dumping" of responsibilities on ME that it creates. Sounds selfish and it IS, so I didn't tell him

b/c he's obviously not in a great situation either.

But I admit, here, that I do feel trapped by his career choices and this isn't the first time. OH and The pay cut is a nice crunchy kick in the face too...

Her leaving the boys w/you in the family home means this isn't all about you.


It's a lifestyle she wants to be free of, for an amount of time she isn't sure of. Maybe she wants to see if the grass is greener but I think the grass is greener where it gets the most water.

I'd be the best dad you can be, b/c 1) it's the right thing to do and

2) no woman is unmoved by the loving interactions of her children with their father.

I would work VERY HARD ON DETACHMENT b/c I think it'll help your sitch in two ways.

First, it'll help you GAL and we hammer GAL b/c we know it works. It helps your attitude, your concentration AND it makes you more attractive...

no one is turned on by a needy clingy man, let alone an EX H who still expresses his jealousy.

Second, I think your w must fear losing you, before she snaps out of this.

If you KNOW your changes are real and lasting, let that radiate. NOT to get her back but b/c you want to be your best self, and you can even thank her for being the catalyst for that change.

If she fears that "her work" on you will only benefit some OW down the road

(like she was the "practice wife" and OW gets the more improved version of you)

and that OWs will come into HER BOY'S lives, it will affect her.

Not saying you have to use some OW to do this but you could tell your wife, as if to reassure her,

that you won't "parade" a bunch of OWs around the boys until you believe the r is fairly serious, and that you will always respect her as the mother of your children...

ALSO if your doctor prescribes Anti depressants and they help, then take them. That's what they are for. Don't let someone else make you feel bad about taking medicine or advise you, online, as to what you should do with your health.

I found the anti anxiety meds helped me not "lose it" in front of my h when I was very angry. I could have done a lot of emotional damage if I had lost my temper, many times. And with the meds I was finally able to sleep better.

I also turned my marriage over to God. You can turn it over to "the universe" if you want, the important thing is you let go of it.

Let go of the anger and pain too.

I'd literally say "God, I turn my pain/anger/m over to you" and I'd say it in the shower, out loud.

Thinking it, saying it, hearing myself saying it, all helped it sink in.

Let go of what you cannot control in life and you WILL HAVE MORE PEACE inside...

Be the best man YOU can be. When you know you have done this, then leave the results up to God and hold your head high.