She made mention that she wanted to go on a week long retreat to get herself grounded again. I might not like it because of my own neediness but I am over that and I support her decision as I think it will help her bring clarity to the sitch.
Has she ever needed to go away without you in the past? She wants to get more grounded in......what?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Got back from a great MC appointment, we worked out a few things and one of the major things was that wife says that she wants to feel that spark. MC figured out that it's not just that she has no attraction to me rather that her individual flame has gone out because our personality we have developed as a couple has snuffed out some if not most of her individual flames.
We then went to dinner, discussed what we thought of our session, laughed, sighed and then went and bought some snowboarding gear.
I can't say much yet on the direction of where we are heading for sure yet but I will say that W seems more commited to making it work than weeks prior...
Detatch, GAL, love and LOTS of patience.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
1) she was listening to that song in the shower on our radio in there.
2) she wants to get herself grounded, in her words she needs to figure out what she wants to do to find herself and her personal flame again. She has lost a lot of who she is and she feels like a week away will not only help her find that again but she also thinks it will help her miss me again.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
So one thing sticks out in my mind that the MC said and I am wondering if it's something I should bring up with W or wait till the next session to talk about.
MC said "I want you two to take a break from worrying about sex and intimacy and focus on building on the foundation of our friendship" that she sees as one of our biggest assets. Then she tells us that doesn't mean take a break from affection. I know I crave that affection from W but what I don't know is whether we should talk about it because I don't want to be the first to start being affectionate again if she is not ready but I also do not want to NOT initiate small forms of affection if W is waiting for me to make the move.
Things went really well last night before bed... I still feel like she is holding back for some reason and thats what makes me want to have the "affection" conversation as well. Hmmm....
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Another things from the MC session. Wife said she was "turned on" by OM and that she hadnt felt that way for a while. MC viewed this as a good thing saying that it at least gives us more direction of where we need to look to re-tool our marriage. I wish W would just look at me and feel that sexual energy which we had sooooo much of. MC said was that she feels like there is no need to drag this sitch out for longer than 3 more months. She said that she feels we should know by then whether we are willing to be fully commited or not to our M.
I know my heart is telling me that we will be fine. But my gut and brain take over and wrech me with anxiety and sorrow. I have never been a depressed person and I do NOT want to start now. I pray that this is all over soon and we can recover to a better place together.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Also wife finally came out and told MC about parents M and her mothers issues. MC said that could be playing a big part in how she is handling our sitch right now. Bringing more fear into our M because of their M being so dead.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
The difference between need and desire is a fine line, I find while pondering during slow times at my new job that the "need" for my wife's affection, attention and is a reaction of my own insecurities. In the beginning of the R I desired my W but I did not rely on her for happiness or confidence, that came naturally for me.
One of the things I find now getting back into work and separating more in daily routine is that I don't need her here I obtain my confidence from the great work I do and the praise I receive from customers. I do however finding myself desiring her more and lusting for her more than I have in a WHILE.
I hope she come too and feels the same way.
Patience patience patience.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
I crave that affection, that sense of security, those soft spoken I love you's and those mornings gazing into each others eyes.
Why is it that these things are soooooo dificult to figure out or sort through? Why can't it be as easy as figuring out what makes is sick and how to avoid it?
I miss "us" so badly, I am strong in front of her and around her but man is it ever hard!
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
