can Turtles still stand?

[keep_going]

(((zig))),

i saw how i hadn't changed in this area. and that no wonder h doesn't trust my changes - i did chastise him - by telling him off.

or i pointed out enough stuff that it made him very uncomfortable and so he went to his comfort zone which the eye rolling signifies - the area in his mind where he gets to tell himself - when she talks like that i don't have to listen, because i don't have anything to do with this.

I've gone thru this with my H many times as well - not only during the 13 years we were married, but many times since we separated. So to say that I have not changed in this area either is a huge understatement - lol...
I admit in certain areas, I have been a pretty mediocre DBer at best... But you know what? I am learning to forgive myself for my setbacks. Yes, I have had many, and yes, I do believe that they have a lot to do with why my H is moving forward with D and not hesitating at all, but I am human. I try my best and sometimes I just can't be perfect. And I am ok with it, knowing that I don't give up trying to improve myself. Please - don't be too harsh on yourself - you are doing GREAT.

when we had this type of interaction i would storm off and he would apologise and then i would be silent - "getting over it" for hours.

i saw myself starting to do that. and said no, not this time. pick up the phone, not only acknowledge his apology and appreciate it, but show him with your words and tone of voice that you are not going to follow the same pattern again. Then tell him that you would like to talk about it calmly later - i know they are going to Busker Fest this evening.

so i did that.

This is fantastic! You did something to change the dynamic and it worked! Your H was receptive and you turned a bad argument into a good interaction and an opportunity for change and growth.
I also share that same bad dynamic in my R with H so I totally identify with what you went through and why you followed your instinct. Good for you!

I hope you ended up going to Busker Fest and enjoyed it. Another great way to GAL and break thru one of your personal fears / barriers of doing this kind of thing alone. Keep it up!