Alien Invasion Pt 2

[reachingHigher]

I like the dancing thing. I had to laugh about the dancing heels!

I spent a long time picking out dancing shoes with my favorite cute shoe salesman at a store. It makes me feel good every time I see them in the closet!

How are you GB? Have you had opportunity to do some of the flirting and small affectionate acts?

My sister echoed the "patience" theme the other day. She said it's easy to have hope. Having patience is the really hard part! I agree.

[GALbaby]

Hi RH. Yes the patience thing is the thing I struggle with most. I guess we just want to go back to "normal" - whatever "normal" is!

Have tried a few things, but again always careful not to overdo it. I'm getting the feeling more and more that H wants to proceed to something (i'm pretty sure its ML), but I am holding off for a few reasons. No. 1 ..I'm scared, because the one and only time we did after BD was disastrous from my perspective. I was extremely hurt and don't want to feel that way again. I found it hard to detach. No. 2..i'm trying to follow DB advice about getting R to a more romantic place first. No. 3...i'm sensing his need (like when he stands and looks at me in the shower) but am waiting for some more concrete signs (H does not reciprocate my acts of affection yet). No. 4...I don't really feel like giving H what he wants without some more work on his part. I've not had advice on this but I do have some self-esteem left. Make sense?

How is RE school going for you? Are you enjoying it? you sound happy!

[reachingHigher]

GB, I don't know you two, so it's hard to picture what you are saying but I'm trying. It's exciting to think he wants to ML! You must have a lot of self-control to not push that, because you have other issues in your R that need to be right.

My H and I can't stop once we start and I am sure it clouds the issues in our R.

What would a more romantic place in your R look like according to DB coach? Returning affections? Reaching for your hand sometimes? Arm around you as you go through a door together? Stuff like that?

R.E. school is very hard but I've done well so far. The class size keeps dwindling! I believe I can do it and H is rooting for me every day, which is nice! It makes me really tired the next day, but it will all be worth it. Just six weeks.

Yes, I almost feel happy sometimes, but more of an acceptance of what is. Like more of a feeling of contentment of who I am becoming. I want so much for my M to be back together by this time next year. But I honestly am just trying to keep myself busy and try not to think about the "what Ifs" -- either past or future.

[GALbaby]

"I am getting more confidence and I don't know if it's because H is responding to me more or is he responding to me more because I have more confidence?".

I like what you said RH. But what really matters is you are growing.

"What would a more romantic place in your R look like according to DB coach? Returning affections? Reaching for your hand sometimes? Arm around you as you go through a door together? Stuff like that?"

I believe so RH. Its something I really struggle with because I'm not sure if I will get that as H has never been the affectionate type. Attentive and thoughtful, yes but affectionate no. I think that is something we will have to work on at a later date if we reconcile, because it's something that I have longed for in my R. Therefore, whilst I can hold out longer, I am not sure how much longer I should hold out for affection. There are many other positive signs that are hopeful. I am very careful not to move in on him as you can probably tell.

Keep up the good work with RE school. I'm sure it will be worth it in the end and it sounds like your H is enjoying watching your growth as well. Good for you. Six weeks will fly by.

[reachingHigher]

If you were ML regularly with him, would that be enough affection? Just curious.

My H was very affectionate but some of it became habit and I really miss it now although I felt often before it was too much. He always had his hands on me public or otherwise. It's been a drastic change and I miss it so much. The grass is always greener on the other side isn't it?

My H is out at a bar with a guy friend and posting his whereabouts on FaceBook. It's hard to not try to mind read. Is he posting to let me know he's not out with girls? Is he posting because he is drunk and has nothing to do? Is he posting because he wants to let girls know where he is? Lol! I must learn to let sleeping dogs lie. I'm getting more practiced at it.

But he is flirting with me texting at the same time, so I think that's good.

I feel a positive slow shift in your sitch. I really like you are identifying your own needs as you look to a new R with him.

I was thinking about the dancing lessons. I really think you should dress in such a way that your H knows about special things you are wearing that nobody else knows. Idk. Just an idea.

[reachingHigher]

GB, I made a REALLY long post on my new thread.

I can't thank you enough for your encouragement about the DB coach.

How are you doing?

[GALbaby]

I'm, doing OK RH. Feeling more confident about my sitch day by day. Not much to report as things are steady and we are in a bit of a holding pattern. Went to see Hope Springs yesterday. It hit a nerve. I am hoping H will make the move to reconcile and come good like the H in the movie, however according to DB coach that is highly unlikely, and given that he was never one to do it anyway, I may just have to accept that it will be left up to me.

In the mean time I'm prepared to give it a little more time. It may not be in the best spirit of DB'ing, but I want him to think long and hard about what he has done to me and our family and if he experiences at least a little discomfort because I'm not jumping into his arms yet, then so be it. On the other hand I could be reading things completely wrong. In the coming weeks I will decide if I am ready to make that Leap of Faith and tell him ..not ask him..that I am coming back to the bedroom. I will be scared to see his reaction, but this time he can move out if he is uncomfortable with the situation. I hope I can have no expectations.

Keep well RH. I am always thinking of you.

[reachingHigher]

GB, those are some interesting plans.

Yeah, the Hope Springs movie was hard to see. Don't we all wish our sitches will have a happy ending!

H & I have seemed to have returned to our building/maintaining friendship stage. Chuck really felt most of what I was doing was working, so I'll keep in the same vein.

H & I are doing the texting thing; he sent a favorite song of his to my phone so I could listen to it on the way home from class tonight. And I saw his car is in our shed as he took another of our vehicles.

So....hmmmm....I spent some time in real estate class (while everyone else was bullish!tting) to jot down some goals, ways of thinking, ideas for me to deal with my life so I keep growing. I cried and sobbed a lot this morning. Just have to get through those times and go on. Once I got in my classic convertible playing classic rock and going to class -- something for ME -- I was fine!

I like the holding pattern analogy you mentioned. H & I have aviation background. The thing about a holding pattern is you keep moving even if you aren't getting anywhere! But that's not bad when it is needed!

Steady and more confident day by day is excellent! Do you think the DB coaching has made that difference or do you think it would have happened anyway?

[GALbaby]

Many things have helped, reading, reading and more reading, this forum, the DB philosophy and the DB coaching have all helped keep me strong and on track. And of course I have the very best friends and family who have let me cry on their shoulders endlessly, helped to keep me GAL and put up with my misery and my online friends who have cried with me, laughed with me, and given me helpful advice. I am lucky that so far there is no OW in my sitch and for that I am thankful every day. The pain I experienced through this would not even touch the surface of the pain that many are experiencing here dealing with OP.

Isn't it comforting when your DB coach says you are doing the right thing? Its such a confusing time with well-meaning people telling you many things. I always nodded, listened and agreed, but only ever followed DB advice. Keep up the good work RH.

I believe in DB and as I told my DB coach, why would I pay money and phone halfway around the world at anywhere between midnight and 4 am in the morning, to get their expertise, if I was not prepared to give a 100% effort to follow their advice. The DB philosophy makes sense to me, even though it is the hardest thing i've ever done in my life. So many times I felt like giving up I couldn't count.

Its not over yet and who knows what the future holds, but if I can get to R, I will be following MWD piecing and KLA advice to a T as well.

[reachingHigher]

Wow! You're like a walking advertisement!

I decided a long time ago, if we have a happy ending I want to post on Amazon and here to encourage others. Wouldn't that be fun?

I hadn't thought about the time difference for your coaching! Wow, tough!

I probably need to read some more here and also maybe read DR again. It's been a while. It's so good -- like she is right there talking to you!

You are a deep and caring person. You obviously have been very strong your whole M. Sounds like your H is strong too -- maybe too much so.

Are you sleeping in the guest room? And for how long? I don't remember.