To Lovingly Detach

[Arsene]

I woke up this morning and felt like I had to contact SIL. I sent her a text to ask her not to put any sort of pressure on W. I feel that it might backfire, or that simply, W might stop talking to her.

I did ask her to be there for her and even to try and gauge the situation with other man, find out what W sees in him and how he fulfills her(as per chapter on infidelity in DR).

I also asked her to see how W is feeling about "us" lately. I'm certain SIL can do that without revealing she is reporting back to me, and without raising suspicion. They are confidantes after all.

She can also talk about her own experience and what she went through in her struggle to save her marriage.

I think the most important thing she can do is to be there for her and that if one day W is ready to come back but is uncertain, SIL can then guide her gently.

I know that a lot of you might say it's a no-no but I had been wondering how to get intel about W's relationship with OM so I can get a better idea of what W is looking for (and if I can offer her that) and this seems to be the only way I can do it. I realise that W might not be totally honest with her sister but still, I'm sure I can get some info about what is on her mind, and if what I'm doing now is working.

I appreciate your thoughts (2X4s included)