Any chance to make it work? I need advice

[sweetbabyred]

All this week, since SS has been gone, I've been following the LRT for the most part, although I did talk with H and tell him that although I don't want a divorce, I do want a husband who is 100% committed to working on our M and unless he felt that way, he needed to file.

I made it clear that it was his choice, as I had never given up on him or the M, but I would no longer sit back as he takes his EA to places to interact with people we both know. I stated that the only chance we had of being friends would take place after the D, as I felt that his actions were disrespectful to me, as he is still a married man.

H told me that he hasn't filed because I "don't know what going on in my head!" and that he is terrified that I'll be out of his life completely once we have a D.

At first I was scared of that too, because H was my best friend for the longest time, but I haven't seen that man in almost a year now and I'm not sure if he'll ever come back.

I know I'm just mind reading, but I think he's still trying to stay in contact with me so that he can pretend we're not over. He can act like a single man, but always has me to fall back on when he's lonely and needs a friend.

Last Thursday, he got upset and said he was trying not to hate me, but by Monday texted to make sure I was ok with SS leaving and later texted that we should meet up for drinks sometime as he still wanted to be friends. And he's called or texted every day that he's been out of town. This afternoon he texted, "have a great day. ttyl" wtf?

I found out today that his "friend/EA" is now signed up on his vball league and that he put her reg charges on our joint cc. So even though he's told me (I know, believe nothing they say) that he doesn't want to be friends with her anymore, his actions show the exact opposite.

I don't want to be a back up friend, when he has no other plans. And I have a good feeling that I'd be ditched when any of his other friends have "emergencies" and need to be "saved". I'm a functional, responsible adult and can take care of myself, so H won't get the thrill of saving me.

I'm now considering the "after the LRT". H really needs to see what his life is like without me in the picture. Without being able to call me when he's sad or lonely. I've been so scared to lose him, but our so-called friendship hasn't benefited me in the least. I can't lose what is already gone.

I don't want a D, but this isn't a M. I heard Pink's new song, blow me one last kiss and it really struck me. there's a line about holding on to a rope, but there's nothing there. I think I've reached that point.

I do still love H, but I'd rather be single than stuck in a M with a man who doesn't want to be there, but doesn't want to truly leave either. It's all on him if he's not done, but I think I am, at least for now.