Piecing - Round 1

[Denver_2010]

So I kind of have a bit of a moral dilemma.

Good friend of mine has decided to divorce his W. He began to date a girl whom he works with. She is also M'd and has decided to leave her H, who happens to work FOR my friend (and obviously in the same company as his W).

Friend and girl both moved out of their homes shortly after they started dating each other.

So I invited my friend to join a 'couples' fantasy football league.

When my W found out that I had invited my friend and his new gf to join, she was upset.

She sent me this email:

"I really don't feel comfortable having them over. It seems a little soon to be acting like they're a "couple" considering they've only been cheating on their spouses up until what...a week or so ago when they both finally had the courage to move out? I'm sure you think it's fine and are in support of their behavior, but I'm not. So if you already invited them, fine. But I'm not going to be a part of their charades and if some crazy ex shows up at my house, ..."

This upset me because obviously I do NOT support what my friend is doing because he is still M'd.

It also upset me bc W pointed out that they were cheating ONLY up and until they moved out of their homes. This is apparently the line that she has drawn for her moral compass as to what is and what isn't cheating.

As I've stated many, many times, I am wishy washy about whether it's an A if there is a physical S, it still pissed me off.

I responded to my W with the following email:

"Friend knows that I don't support it whether or not they've moved out. However, he is my friend, so I felt that I needed to include him...".

I think that W got the point that her email had hit a chord with me because she quickly called me after getting the email. I did not act upset with her. We didn't talk about the emails or the subject matter in the telephone conversation. I think that she just wanted to make sure that we were still 'cool' and not arguing.

Anyway, my moral dilemma is really about my friend. I don't support him dating even though he is physically S'd. I've told him this in the past, prior to him actually dating the girl. However, things have gotten SO bad between he and his W that I honestly don't see any way that they could reconcile. And that is coming from someone who has read about hundreds of such situations here on this board. I've known his W for over 12 years and she really is an awful person. So, I kind of do support him in divorcing her. I hate to say that, but I do.

The dating thing, while wrong, is helping him have the strength to actually leave and divorce his W.

Lately, all I've told him is that he should file for D quickly.

Lastly, I need to say that I tried really, really hard to use the principles here on DB to help him fix his M. I did this for most of 2011 when they were beginning to have their problems.

So my obvious dilemma is that I have to support a very good friend while he is doing the same thing that my W did.

Opinions?