Suppo: Just caught up with your thread. Im with Denver i'd drag my feet all I could about the papers, I know if mine follows through with filing next month i'll be dragging it out as long as possible. I know from my conversations with a lawyer friend that I have 30 days to respond to the filing and then can drag this thing out a total of 18 months, id rather risk making mine real mad and buying myself time than granting the divorce to try to keep her from being upset with me and then going on the hope that we could reconcile after the D.
Anyway, i'll be keeping up with you...so far I think you're doing a good job, at least since the late June date you mention when you quit pursuing and begging and started Dbing.
I will add that at the very least you should call an attorney in your state. Most will give you a few minutes on the phone or an initial consultation for free and you need to make sure that those papers are what you think they are, just a draft or something. In my state I dont know that they would have to have a file or claim # stamped on them or not, but if they are official papers then her handing them to you constitutes you being served and there could be a clock ticking that you don't know about so just give someone a call to be sure.
Been out of town since Sunday morning until August 31st! Thank you for checking in with me! I have been reading, just haven't been really posting.
Sitch is kind of stagnant right now. I haven't had contact with her face-to-face since August 8th when she came over in the morning to wish the kids a good 1st day of school. A few texts here and there about kid exchanges & when I was leaving town, along with the one about if I had time to review the paperwork.
I have not had contact (ZERO) since Aug. 16th, when I responded to her to let her know what Starsky suggested I say. She hasn't contacted me either, but I am ok with this. Maybe too ok?? Is that possible anyone to be too ok with not having any contact??
I have been talking with kids everyday for awhile each day. I feel for them, because they have displayed misery with being with her while I am gone & keep asking me why I had to leave for 2 weeks. They will be ok though, and it will most likely be good for her. She is in school full time, teaching again full time, and has kids with her full time. So she is being very short & angry with them, so that is why I feel for them.
The kids have taken a huge liking to the new Daddy over the last almost 6 months, and have definitely not enjoyed the current Mommy. I was always a good Father, but now I consider myself as becoming a GREAT Father.
If W wants to jump on board and ride with us then I will still be here wanting her to return. But if she is still set with going through with the "D", then for some reason lately It really doesn't bother me. I think I can maintain my own happiness without her. Of course a lot of that has to do with having my kids around me a lot.
After reading through and receiving advice from Starsky & Denver, I know that I am definitely in for a Marathon based on how long it took them to start piecing their M back together. Make no mistake though, I truly want to be with her for the rest of my life, but I don't NEED to be with her for the rest of my life.
One thing that has helped a lot is something I found on here and read through. I can't remember who posted it but I revised it to this:
I am a Good person; She is a Good Person. I made mistakes in my M and accept full responsibility for my actions. I will continue to stand for the healing & restoration of my M, and continue to Trust in the Lord and his promise that I will receive a double portion in life. I am a Good person!
Plus, I have been back at running & gym now for a few weeks, which has always been a great stress reliever & mind clearer for me. I run about 5-6 miles 4/week, with some mild lifting mixed in there. I think I will try and up that a bit & start entering some 10k races again.
I am not sure if she notices right now or even cares about what I am up to. Only outlet she has to know what I am up to in life is what the kids tell her. I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account, and never have. So, she wouldn't be able to see anything about my GALing on there.
Facebook was always a HOT button for me, because she used to spend hours on it, along with having friends on there that were previous you know what's! She eventually took them all off of there at a point back in the past, because she knew that it upset me. My sister has a Facebook account & is Facebook friends with her, and stated that she posts soem crazy stuff & started adding a bunch of guys back to her account. But you know what??? I don't really give a RATS A$$!! If that is what she wants, then go for it it!
Denver,
I saw on another thread that you recommended to another guy to post on Facebook & Twitter to let his W know about him GALing. I am not sure if you recommend the same thing for me, but I don't really want an account! Just not that interested in keeping up with people I haven't talked to in 20 years, or keeping up with who is taking a crap at what time of the day. Plus I have the kids, who as we all know are very honest & most likely tell her whatever it is that I go and do in life. I have no secrets!
I am not sure if she notices right now or even cares about what I am up to. Only outlet she has to know what I am up to in life is what the kids tell her. I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account, and never have. So, she wouldn't be able to see anything about my GALing on there.
Facebook was always a HOT button for me, because she used to spend hours on it, along with having friends on there that were previous you know what's! She eventually took them all off of there at a point back in the past, because she knew that it upset me. My sister has a Facebook account & is Facebook friends with her, and stated that she posts soem crazy stuff & started adding a bunch of guys back to her account. But you know what??? I don't really give a RATS A$$!! If that is what she wants, then go for it it!
Denver,
I saw on another thread that you recommended to another guy to post on Facebook & Twitter to let his W know about him GALing. I am not sure if you recommend the same thing for me, but I don't really want an account! Just not that interested in keeping up with people I haven't talked to in 20 years, or keeping up with who is taking a crap at what time of the day. Plus I have the kids, who as we all know are very honest & most likely tell her whatever it is that I go and do in life. I have no secrets!
Hey Suppo! Just caught up on your sitch... Thanks for commenting on mine by the way... And I take it i'm the "Other guy" you're chatting about with the FB/Twitter thing!
IMHO, I'd suggest at least a Twitter feed... I didn't think I'd care much about it, but after I started tweeting a bit, following some of my favorite celebs/athletes/commedians etc. I found that it was a great time-drain when i'm bored, and a great way to get out messages 140 characters at a time. You don't HAVE to follow anyone, and you don't HAVE to advertise the fact that you have an account... But it could be a good release for you, and a good window for people looking to catch up on your life... FB is much more revealing, so if you're gonna start, I'd go with Twitter. Again, Just my opinion.
Other than that, I'd have to agree with the advice you're getting on stalling the D procedures... If for no other reason than it's YOUR desire... You're under no obligation to speed along the process... I'd also look into some legal council for yourself, so at least you'll have peace of mind that you're making the right decisions and protecting yourself...
I saw on another thread that you recommended to another guy to post on Facebook & Twitter to let his W know about him GALing. I am not sure if you recommend the same thing for me, but I don't really want an account! Just not that interested in keeping up with people I haven't talked to in 20 years, or keeping up with who is taking a crap at what time of the day. Plus I have the kids, who as we all know are very honest & most likely tell her whatever it is that I go and do in life. I have no secrets!
I don't think that it is a 'must do' suppo. I was suggesting it as a means to create a window into your life for the WA if there is no other reasons for contact, such as kids.
I also warned that it is a double edged sword. That window usually goes both ways and you might not like what you see looking through the window at your WA. Just something to think about.
I was lucky that my W was respectful enough not to post anything about OM ever (or maybe she was embarrassed by what she was doing). Even when she and I were having zero contact. I used FB to post a few GAL activities and to generally present that I was happy, even when I wasn't. Later, when we would be having lots of contact, she would ask about things here and there. Who was I with? What was I doing? Etc. So I know that she was looking.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Suppo: Its good to see you've been reading, and I think its awesome that your in a good place right now with all of this. I keep saying I hope to get there as well and sometimes I think that im closer than I like to saying Im ok either way simply b/c to me it feels like saying I don't care either way and I certainly care.
Life's been good to me this week. My son was baptized on Wednesday...he called my wife and we waited for her to arrive beforehand so she was not only there, but lots of other people and they all talked to her. I saw lots of emotion from her that gave me a renewed sense that she's struggling with this as well. No real meaning to that, other than its kind of a little boost of inspiration to keep running the marathon.
As far as the facebook, twitter thing goes, just my 2 cents....it is a good window into your life for her to see you GAL like Denver said, but dang he's right when he also says its a 2 way windown. Luckily for me my W has never been big on posting, she's more of a lurker there so I havent had to see or read anything I didnt wanna know. I agree with you though that with your kids you really don't need anything else. Especially if they're happy with you then she'll know about every step you take, and also the kids being cheerful in general will show her an awful lot about what your up to. If your kids are smiling when you show up, excited to see you etc....then it tells her an awful lot about things.
I definitely respect the social aspect & windows that Facebook and Twitter offer...With it being such a HOT button in the past for me, and me really not wanting to over-analyze anything that is posted there, I think I will refrain for now. Maybe in the future I may open an account, but for some reason there is a burning hole inside of me telling me to stay away from it.
Alk,
Thanks for catching up on my sitch! I think that there should be a yearly ski trip or something for all of us to meet up at and hash out the good times...LoL
I will continue to follow yours, along with a few other in our Freshman class of 2012. I will also continue to pray that all will be well for us & that God reveals his ultimate Will & Path for our lives...Because I sure haven't figured it out yet
You have any inside scoop on it? LoL
Carnac,
Congrats on the Baptism! A definite monumental moment that you and W will remember no matter what happens in the future!
Make no mistake about my sense of calm that I post here! I definitely want to reconcile and make my M with W all that God intended it to be. I am just at a place where I am enjoying the calm before the next storm, and enjoying the downtime from tension/arguments etc...
You are definitely right about the kids. We have a great time these days, whether it is just being silly around the house or whether it is going out and doing other things. There is a little bit of a void there with W not being involved in the activity, but she knows where I am if she wants to come back and enjoy the newly revived & transformed Suppo!
The thing that makes it hard right now, is that the kids are somewhat miserable with me being gone & voice that daily on the phone to me. It is nothing I can control, but I try and reassure them that this is good for them to spend time with her, no matter how she is acting towards them. My kids are very intelligent & pick-up on anything, so if she comments or takes her frustration out on them, you better believe they will remember it.
