Oh, Only difference is that you actually know that OM is in the picture! I have suspicions, but not sure I really care or want to go down that rabbit hole again! Denver & Starsky can explain my sitch or you can read if you want, when you have time.
In person (preferred), or phone convo if that is simply not possible. NO EMAIL.
E-mail as immediate follow-up, to reiterate, state points you missed, clarify, etc.
Will explain later. Off to watch football with my boys!!
Not sure in person is a viable option... Although she is planning on coming down to S. FL at some point next month to pack up the rest of her stuff to bring back to C. FL... Although I don't know if she'll be coming alone or bringing friends to help... So I think phone is the best option.
I'm CERTAINLY planning on an e-mail follow up just after our conversation, probably restating exactly what I said (or more likely exactly what I WANTED to say!)... Kinda a best-of-both worlds approach to ensure she hears the conviction in my voice and then has it in writing.
The rationale behind my belief that in-person is best is for them to see your calm resolve. You look them straight in the eye, and calmly, firmly yet lovingly deliver your script (practiced dozens of times ahead of time, btw, lol). You want them to see (or at least hear, if you have to do this by phone) your calm resolve and strength.
Hey Suppo. Commented on your thread, and thanks for keeping up!
I'm in for another crazy day at work, so may not be able to post much... Although there haven't exactly been any big-happenings in the last 24 hours aside from a text from W (Hoping I was having a good day and telling me we'd talk soon) and some more thoughts on the "new direction"...
The rationale behind my belief that in-person is best is for them to see your calm resolve. You look them straight in the eye, and calmly, firmly yet lovingly deliver your script (practiced dozens of times ahead of time, btw, lol). You want them to see (or at least hear, if you have to do this by phone) your calm resolve and strength.
Starsky
Hmm... Something to consider... Maybe waiting until she's down to grab her stuff is a good decision...
As hard as it is for me to say (and I still don't 100% believe it) It's time to change the dynamic here... It's so hard to say that because I can look closely and see all sorts of positive signs of change between us... the sweet emails she sends on occasion, the nice conversations, the random texts about almost nothing... All signs that things are continuing on a path that I'm looking to be on... one which we end up back together and happier than ever...
Alk,
Don't mean to be a ball-buster, but I wanted to circle back to this, because I think it's very important. You DO see that she's only doing these things to keep you controlled, as a viable backup option while she pursues her fantasy with OM, don't you?
From my personal archives:
On “Doing What Works”:
One of the misconceptions about DBing, in my opinion, is the "Do what works" thing. The problem is that people mis-define "works" as being "what doesn't make her/him angry" and "what makes her/him act nice towards me." Instead of as "what moves me further along down the path toward a mutually-healthy and committed marriage."
Sometimes one has to take a short-term "hit" in the "nice" department in order to solidify a healthier, longer-term gain.
Don't mean to be a ball-buster, but I wanted to circle back to this, because I think it's very important. You DO see that she's only doing these things to keep you controlled, as a viable backup option while she pursues her fantasy with OM, don't you?
From my personal archives:
On “Doing What Works”:
One of the misconceptions about DBing, in my opinion, is the "Do what works" thing. The problem is that people mis-define "works" as being "what doesn't make her/him angry" and "what makes her/him act nice towards me." Instead of as "what moves me further along down the path toward a mutually-healthy and committed marriage."
Sometimes one has to take a short-term "hit" in the "nice" department in order to solidify a healthier, longer-term gain.
You know my biggest problem with you Starsky (and Denver too)? It's the apologizing about the "ball-busting"! I very much realize that you guys are giving me input and advice that I may not want to hear, but I'll never see it as ball-busting!
I'd completely agree with you on what you're saying, about being a viable backup option, if I didn't think that there was a very large amount of confusion on her behalf... I don't think there is malicious intent behind her actions, and I honestly believe that she's not INTENTIONALLY trying to control... although subconsciously (and realistically) that's exactly what she's doing.
Now, I KNOW that the above seems like an excuse for her behavior, and I guess it is, to a point... And maybe it's me still looking through rose-colored glasses... But the good news is, despite these thoughts and doubts, I've resolved to take action on this and ignore the small "signs of change" while an OM is still in the picture.
I love the quote on "Short term hit"... I'm sure I'll be pulling that one into my mind plenty once I take my next serious action!
Thanks, and don't worry about the ball-busting. I can take it!
As long as you're not changing your planned course of action based on "intentional" vs. "unintentional," then I'm OK with disagreeing with you on this one.
As that one guy said in the famous "car wash" scene from Cool Hand Luke, "She knows exactly what she's doin'."
As long as you're not changing your planned course of action based on "intentional" vs. "unintentional," then I'm OK with disagreeing with you on this one.
As that one guy said in the famous "car wash" scene from Cool Hand Luke, "She knows exactly what she's doin'."
Starsky
Lol! Yup, we'll agree to disagree, but course of action stays the same.... although when you bring Cool Hand Luke into the equation, my resolve in my original opinion of intentional v unintentional weakens!
I very much realize that you guys are giving me input and advice that I may not want to hear, but I'll never see it as ball-busting! 
