Divorced.. #2

[Mrs D]

Good for you MrsD and remember to review those words often b/c it takes time for that to stick. Remind yourself often that as much as you would like to keep contact....its not good for you, nor is it good for your goals. And im talking about both of your goals #1 to make yourself into a better person #2 to make your next relationship incredible (hopefully with your ex but either way it is going to be so much better if you do #1 first)

Thanks Carnac. I actually wrote them out, and have them hanging on my monitor. Along with Marathon... not a sprint... And the others I had taken from you. You guys really do help me on here, and I just want you to know how much I appreciate you all. I am going to get through this. Determination will prevail.

I prayed this morning while I was waiting for my son to get on the bus - asking for help with patience, and again to lead me down the path of forgiveness of my past, and to make me a better and stronger person. To watch over my family, including my XH. And to lead him back into our lives eventually as a family again. And I just feel so strong today. I can do this. Screw whatever he is in right now. I am in this now for me. Like I said - I love that man to the very bottom of my soul, but I love myself more.

[Carnac]

MrsD thats awesome....im afraid your monitor is going to be completely covered in post-its before long. I agree with you in that the people here help me an awful lot as well. Its why I really try to make sure and read other's posts and try to give what little advice I have. I don't want to be here simply taking from this place b/c thats the old me, I wanna be giving back to others as well. Pay it forward so to speak.

I pray each and every day for good people to be put in the way of my wife that she might have a change of heart. I know HE won't change her mind b/c she has free will, but he might place someone in her path that makes her think long and hard about the path she's on.

Im going to give you to other things that I want you to remember, kind of pet peeves of mine if you will. The first one is very simple and it was told to me a long time ago and i've never forgotten it...make sure when you start praying for patience that you really mean it b/c God may just teach you a real lesson in patience.

And secondly, in reading your post you said that you prayed again for forgiveness of your past. Someone told me a couple of things a long time ago about praying for forgiveness. First of all we're human so its much harder for us to forgive ourselves than it is for God to forgive us. If you've ever asked Him to forgive you for your past then it has already been done, to ask again is to at least on some level to believe that either he wasn't willing or wasn't able to forgive you the first time and neither of those is true. What must be done now is that you have to forgive yourself...trust me God has forgiven you and released you from your past, do yourself a favor and release yourself.

[Arsene]

2 thumbs up MrsD. i told yo you were doing better, didn't I? Keep it up my friend!!

[Brian in Hville]

I understand that everything that you want to change, you have to do if for yourself.... can you give some insight why you guys didnt work out? Yes, I know that DBing doesnt work for everyone - Im just curious.

There were probably two reasons we didn't work out...First, She had already met someone and she is the type of person that can't be alone (they ended up married about a year after we divorced...he is her 5th husband). Second, she put up with a lot in our marriage and was done.

I ran into her two days ago and we talked for a bit. She is happy with her life and I am glad for her. I am very happy with who I have become and she see's that too.

Do you play Words with Friends on your phone?

[Brian in Hville]

I love that man, but you know what? I love myself more. The end.

I stand up and applaud you for that!! You go girl. That is the way to think!

Brian

[Mrs D]

Carnac,
I agree with paying forward. Im reading Arsene's threads now to give him some insight what I went through when I was MLC back 3 years ago, and then as the WAW in October. Course Im reading his threads in between work, so its taking me sometime to get through them. I did read Tsquared's as you had pointed me to - which Arsene, if you are reading this - you may find alot of good info in his threads as well.

I find myself praying for patience first and foremost because I dont have any. I want things now. And I know with the path Im walking, Im going to need patience. It kinda scares me when you said he may teach me a real lesson. LOL But yeah, I do because I dont have any.

When I asked God for help with forgiveness, it was asking him to help me forgive myself. Its hard for me to do just that because I know the hurt that I have placed in our lives. I just cant let go of the shame I guess more than anything. And i know I need to. Im trying. Through the therapy as I learn more about myself and my past as well, I find myself trying more and more to get past that point. I know I have to. And I know that is probably the biggest step I need to take in fixing myself, you know?

[Mrs D]

2 thumbs up MrsD. i told yo you were doing better, didn't I? Keep it up my friend!!

Arsene - I have to tell you, I think it was your post you made last night that did it for me. "I'm sure he still has loads of doubts about what he's done and there probably isn't a moment in his day when he doesn't think about it either, but after going through all of this to make his decision, he's going to need time to see that you have indeed changed and that it's not just a tactic to get him back. That takes time, and as much as WE don't like it, THEY need it, and so do WE."

And again I thank you so much. Your post was absolutely perfect. After replying to you, I went to bed. I actually slept really well for the first time in awhile.

So again - THANK YOU my friend.

[Mrs D]

Brian - I think my Ex is also someone that needs to be with someone. Hence the reason why I think this is a rebound relationship. I also know that he gives 100% in everything he does. So I have to be ok that this could really turn into something more.

Dont really play anything on my phone - sorry. I guess because of the whole EA/texting thing, I just dont find the need to be on the phone for anything more than phone calls anymore.

[Brian in Hville]

Brian - I think my Ex is also someone that needs to be with someone. Hence the reason why I think this is a rebound relationship. I also know that he gives 100% in everything he does. So I have to be ok that this could really turn into something more.

Dont really play anything on my phone - sorry. I guess because of the whole EA/texting thing, I just dont find the need to be on the phone for anything more than phone calls anymore.

Well, if your husband still has love for you, it won't fade too quickly. That is another reason to not play around and to work on you!


I'm with ya on the phone thing. If that was a problem for you in the past, then it's good to not continue with it!

[Mrs D]

[quote=Mrs D]

Well, if your husband still has love for you, it won't fade too quickly. That is another reason to not play around and to work on you!


I'm with ya on the phone thing. If that was a problem for you in the past, then it's good to not continue with it!

I hope so Brian!! But I cant really think about that now any longer. The focus needs to be me.