I am just keeping in touch and in need of advice. A few posts back, I mentioned that something I learned is that I can not change my W, therefore I needed to let her go (for now). I am going thru some really mixed emotions, I feel of letting her go for good, and give up on reconciliation, in the other hand I feel like letting her go (for now) and continue the fight.

I understand that love is a decision we make, something that is alive and needs to be fed every day. These past weeks I have learned so much about the negative part of W that really put me on the edge to cross the line and continue with my life and never look back. I have been working on keeping myself strong, and not to idolize my W, I do not want to cover the sun with one finger. I am also learning about my own negative ways and working on those to heal my self.

I, now, feel a bit more confident about myself. I still feel the pain of losing my family and home, but I am growing stronger and confident little by little. With this said, I have also learned that I love my W and family. I am nurturing that love with me staying away from W and SS13, they both need their space to heal. I am not putting any pressure on W, and I have left their well being on the Lord's hand.

As for me, the mix emotions come from the fear that if I keep the fight and nothing happens I will go down on a spiral. It was a real hard blow the second time W walk out and it is taking a great effor on my part to keep strong. I have put my faith on the Lord and He has kept me going. The pain is still there, but I am not feeding it, I do not want the pain to become suffering.
In the other hand, I love my W and SS13 and this love keeps me going. With this said, and as I am learning not depend on them, or be the "fixer" of their lifes, I want to reconcile with my family. I want to be completely heal first and then offer to them a new beggining as a family.

I hope I'm making sense on what I am feeling. I know I love my W and SS13, I just need to find out if I love them to fight for them or to let them go for good.

Isaiah 40:31