Well this is a wonderful discussion. I hope it's not completely lost on Adinva because it's off base.
ces, I wasn't involved in everything that went on with my brother's sitch behind closed doors. I only know that prior to the blow-up, I saw multiple situations where my brother attempted to get involved and my SIL shut him down. Did he specifically state his need? I don't know. I do know he tried to be involved in an active way, and to me, actions always speak louder than words.
Acc, you make a very good point, and I completely agree with you. As with most things, however, easier said than done. I saw so much of this issue with my H and his ex and his kids, I'm at a complete loss as to what my H could have done to accomplish what you're suggesting. How do you love and support your children when they refuse to abide the custody schedule and are rarely around you? How do you love and support your children when they argue everything you say because "mom said..."? How do you support your child when they are doing the exact opposite of something you support (ie. 14yo girl going to Homecoming driven by a 16yo boy you've never met, staying out until 2:00am, and ignoring the custody schedule that says it's your weekend to stay at mom's because mom says all this is fine.) Do you go over to mom's and take pics of her lovely dress and hair? Do you tell her you hope she has a wonderful night? Do you ask for all the wonderful fun details of the night the next time you see her?
I know that a conflictual D/custody sitch is worse (and part of my own motivation to stay M'd for son's sake,) but the basis of the problem is the same.
How do you show love/support to someone when they are doing something you don't love/support? Is this question re: our kids really any different than what we all have to deal with as spouses? How do we love/support our spouses when they are doing things we don't love/support?
