14 Months Secret Separation: talking mediation

[Accuray]

Yeah I think we're discussing two things here that are actually different:

1) The role of the father in parenting, getting pushed aside or being active etc.

2) The responsibility of the father (and mother) to love their kids unconditionally, support them, and make them feel like their parents have their backs.

I'm really only passionate about #2 in this debate. If the father wants to sit on the couch and watch TV, that's not great, but it's much better than letting his kids know they are a disappointment.

One of W's friends told her daughter (who is 8) that she liked her son more and didn't really like her daughter at all. Stuff like that is inexcusable, that's just setting up a lifetime of self esteem and relationship problems for the kid.

That's my issue with Ad's H as a father -- and I don't think being "pushed aside" is a valid excuse not to love and support your kids. You can use that as an excuse not to be an active parent, but not to pull back on love and support.

In a relationship, I believe we have a responsibility to meet our spouse's needs if we want to keep them. Our kids owe us no such debt. There is nothing they should have to do to earn your approval or your love.

Accuray