I am new here so I'm not sure where to start. I stumbled upon this site looking for answers. It rang true with me because these are the types of things I have already been doing! I just need some direction and hope here.
Wife and I will have been married for 3 years next month. We were dating and engaged for 3 years before that. A little background on us, we had an instant attraction from the beginning. We didn't have to woo each other, it just always felt right. So I never took the time to work on anything, I just thought that things would work themselves out. Over the last few years I developed an anxiety disorder that i was afraid to acknowledge. I knew it was going on but I have always been someone that tries to fix everything on my own. On top of bringing too much work home with me, I was short and snappy at times. My anxiety, unbeknownst to me at the time and spiraled out of control where I was uncomfortable in just about any situation outside the house. To my wife, this must have come across as not wanting to do anything with her because I would stay home rather than go out.
Things came to a head and she finally snapped. I remember the look on her face when she told me. She is a very timid person that has a hard time saying what is on her mind. There were a few times that she told me she was upset, but never a lot of nagging, never expressed dissatisfaction in a way that I knew there was a serious problem. This is not an excuse mind you, I am a guy and a pretty thick headed guy at that. I need a good stern kick in the rear sometimes for me to get it, but once I do, I never make the same mistake twice. Well for better or worse, my ears are open for the first time.
I finally stopped panicking a couple weeks back and took some time to figure out what I was doing to make her feel this way. That is when I realized how my anxiety was affecting me. I was so appalled that i dropped everything and called all of my friends and family and told them how sorry I was that I didn't open up and tell people what was going on with me and I hoped it didn't damage my relationships with me. I did this because I was genuinely sorry for the person I had been being.
So my wife tells me that she isn't sure she wants to work on our marriage. I told her I wanted to go to counselling and figure this out. She refused. She said that she didn't want to prolong the pain. Meanwhile I've been working on me and making sure I am getting out of my box and learning how to deal with my anxiety. I feel great! But she still doesn't know if she wants to stay with me and work on it.
To complicate matters she is having an emotional affair with a man that was a friend of both of ours. He was there for her when no one else was to listen about her issues with me. Now she has feelings for him and doesn't know what she wants. She told me the other day that she was lost. She said she was torn. She can't live with me and she can't live without me. She says even when you were being a jerk you still took really good care of me.
We still kiss goodnight, we still sleep in the same bed and she even puts her handbook my chest while we fall asleep. She still says she loves me very much and cares for me and just doesn't want to hurt me.
Is there any hope? Or am I on my way to divorce? There are some other details but this is getting long as it is. I am counting on faith and hope right now to bring her back to me, but could use some solid advice.
