14 Months Secret Separation: talking mediation

[ces67]

I see the challenge. During my sitch, W has "arranged" her life so that she coordinated with the kids and it made it difficult to be part of the family. Summers were spent away. Homework was organized & discussed before I got home from work. School info was not shared, dinner time was the 3 of them getting everything set, etc. etc.

I had to change my behaviors and take it upon myself to find out info and ask more questions. It turned out to be a good practice for me but my natural tendancy was to shrink back because I was not wanted someplace. But this was my kids, and I wasn't going to let that happen.

One funny thing that ended up happening was that I went to an awards thing for my S. W had said nothing to me and actually had not known about it until the last minute. When she got there, she was surprised to see me already sitting down.

I think its natural for a man to gravitate away from any situation where he does not feel respected. Not saying the tendancy is alwasy good. Its just there. Like so many other things we have to recognize these tendancies in ourselves and determine when they are helpful and when they are harmful, and then act in a way that is productive.