BeingMe - you didn't fail. There is a huge difference between acknowledging our own faults and errors in the marriage, and what our husbands have done which is to blame others for how they feel. Externalising your feelings onto others - either blaming them or thinking they will solve your problems is never going to be a good long term strategy. And it is abusive of the other person because it is using them rather than relating to them.
I think most of us would have leapt at the chance to work on the marriage and address the issues that bugged them and that bugged us too. But they prefer to walk away.
You will come to the point when you feel in every part of you, what you now think and understand, and that is a place of real peace! And unlike many here you will not have financial problems, which I know you realise is a blessing!.
You will be fine, though the divorce process is punishing
