You're right it's not good for my health, I know and yet I cannot seem to do anything other than stay here in misery. I'm scared to leave in case it's the wrong decision and I'm scared to stay because I just hate how I feel every day. I still feel so raw from all this - I'm not sure that's normal after 13 months? to still feel absolute heart breaking pain every day. I feel like I love him and want to be with him but I just cannot bring myself to be "normal". I've tried acting as if and I just feel empty and angry again when I do that and I think I've been this way so long now that he isn't actually really that bothered if we break up anyway - so that leaves me feeling insecure, on top of already feeling insecure from what he's done and it is just the biggest hole and the biggest mess and I can't get out and I just despair. I just want someone to beam me up so I don't have to think about any of this anymore and feel no pain.
