To Lovingly Detach

[Arsene]

Well, now that I've done my rounds, here is what happened yesterday, the day after my W dropped D8 at home at 2:30 am.

First of all, I had to cancel my meditation class because, not only I couldn't get back to sleep right away after D8 got back but also because at 6 am, my phone rang with two texts my W had send the night before. That woke me up and i didn't get back to sleep.

When dropping off D8, W said she'd be around today but didn't specify what time so I figured I wouldn't worry about it. That it probably would be quite late anyway considering how late she'd gone to bed.

Spent the morning reading and catching up on this site and in the early pm, asked D8 if she wanted to go to the pool. We left around 1 pm and as I was leaving, I noticed that W's swimsuit was on the clothes line next to mine so I put it in my bag, just in case. W had mentioned a few times that she might like to join us at the pool if we ever went.

When we got to the pool, I asked D8 to let her mom know where we were. I wanted to avoid a situation like last week when i was accused of trying to keep D8 away from W. Unfortunately, D8's phone had no credit so I had to text W myself.

Me- Hi W. We're at XXXX pool. We have your swimsuit if you want to come. Have a nice day.

About 30 minutes later, as D8 and i were having a ball in the pool, W showed up. She was cheerful and after she put on her swimsuit, joined us in our games.

It was a great time for D8 and one 180 for me was that i ended up playing with a bunch of local kids and my D8 but after a while, D8 went to join her mom and me and the local kids had a great time playing with a ball in the water (me speaking in the local language) W sat nearby, pensively, watching us play.

Once we were done I went for a shower and since D8 and W were going to take their shower and W had the car, I simply said I would leave now and see them home(I was with my bicycle). I think W was a bit surprised and annoyed because it meant that she had to carry all her stuff to the locker room but we said goodbye and I left.

W and D8 eventually got home and W and I had a real nice light convo in which I actually listened, showed interest and validated. I only spoke to show interest and validate and the whole convo was from her and on her. In fact, while we wre talking, D8 kept asking her mom :"can we play now?" and W would tell her to please wait a bit because her and daddy were talking.

During the convo I also kept eye contact and we had a good laugh as well. Then, the 3 of us played around on the bed, tickling D8 and then we had dinner together.

After dinner, W and D8 went to the front porch and I got ready to leave (I had arranged to meet a friend). When W saw me come out dressed as if I was leaving, she was a bit taken aback but stayed cool, simply stating:" HO, you're going out?"

I said yes and wasn't going to say anything else but then D8 asked if i was going with "Uncle G" (one of my friends). I wished i could have left with an aura of mystery but i didn't want to lie so I said that yes, I was meeting uncle G and a few other friends.

Before leaving, I thanked W for joining us at the pool, saying that D8 had had a good time. She thanked me for inviting her and said she'd also had a good time.

I know it's been a few "family days" in the last week and many might say that I'm pursuing (perhaps I am), but again, this being a holiday, I think it's important that we spend a bit of time as a family and since we all love swimming, it's also a good venue for this. We don't always have to be in each other's face while at the pool.

I feel good about the day and the convo. I realise how important it was not to give in to my impulse to take over the convo. I know I need to work more on this and it's been added on my list of 180s.