Need HOPE part III

[PERSEVERANCE]

Thanks Mr B. for the response.
We have joint custody / co parenting... Basically, I have the house, the kids live with me, I pay for nearly everything. She helps out with the kids , does some shopping, helps out driving the kids around.... I know, It seems like she's playing house, without the committment of marriage. I've been struggling with this-- If I push her away and put up more rules and boundaries... does that diminish our chances of reconciling if she doesnt see me? Maybe I'm just worried that she won't miss me and I just pushed her away forever?
Pros; She can see my 180s
Cons; It is emotionally difficult to see her... but its harder not seeing her.
I just want to do whatever increases my chances of having my family whole again.
Since coming home from Afganistan, I've resumed my financial services career, attended individual counciling religiously, improved my attitude / 180s - more outgoing and positive. Been a better father - although I was always a great DAD, I just have more patience now.
Her grievences were that she didn't feel validated, respected or safe when I lost my temper ( nothing physical, i would say stupid things when we argued). I've come a long way in the past 8 months. I recognize my failings...and she admits hers too.
Just tired of this emotional roller coaster