Alkaline - Listen man, there is NO way around the fact that you are going to have to deal with your W getting pissed about some of what you are going to have to say and do here. If you read my threads, you will find that my W called me some of the worst names imaginable at some points... "selfish ****sucker" comes to mind once or twice LOL... of course my W has a sailor's mouth. But she was furious with me multiple times during the 19 months that we did this. Remember, you are not giving her exactly what she wants. Things are not going to go the way that she wants them to all of the time. Of course she's going to get pissed.
This was hard for me, but I eventually had to realize...
...she is NOT going to divorce you because of any of this. IF she divorces you, it is going to be because she is unhappy in life and does not believe that she can find that happiness with you. Not because you pissed her off by setting some boundaries for yourself.
Plus, I learned to actually take a positive to my W getting pissed at me... it demonstrated that she still cared. As long as you have that, you still have a chance.
You're absolutely right.. I'll not be divulging sources. Bringing any third parties (well technically fourth parties at this point) into this will do nothing but muddy the situation and allow her a new place to vent her anger.
Oh, and my W has a sailor's mouth times three too! Kinda love that!
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
My suggestion is above. We must have been typing at the same time. I don't think that Starsky and I, or your IC and I, are that far apart.
Yup... as a matter of fact, it looks like we're typing all over one another right now! But you're right, all the advice I've been getting is pretty close... and as I know the situation better than anyone, I know I'll be able to make the right decision of the Hybrid approach I'm sure to take.
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
Personally, I think that this should all be covered in one conversation. Let's call it the "shock and awe" strategy. LOL!
I believe that you can get yourself prepared for this and do it. But I do agree that you absolutely have to hold it together and NOT break down. You have to be strong in front of her, or on the phone with her, no matter what.
Quite frankly, I don't have a problem with you doing it via email. There were a couple of times that I did it that way... simply because my W would always interrupt me and set me off track with what I was trying to say. She'll probably call, but by then, you've said all that you have to say. You can sit there, listen to her, and then reply by telling her that you've said what you have to say and ask her to please respect it.
What do you think about a well written email starsky?
Interested in the e-mail thing... As that would be MUCH easier... but at the same time, I'm not sure it would have the same resonance that a conversation would have.
I could list out the pros and cons, but I'll wait to hear Starsky's advice before even going down that path. I'm certainly leaning toward doing it over the phone.
