Okay. So we know a few places where maybe she feels that you let her down. And it seems that you agree.
I'm not sure that this stuff is the most pressing thing to talk about right now, but I will just say that IF you find yourself in a conversation with her about these things, you should listen to her and validate her feelings. Don't defend, explain, just validate... "W, you are absolutely right about this. I didn't not handle those situations well. I know that now, and I'm so very sorry. I can't change the past, but I can make sure not to repeat the mistakes of the past. That's all that I can say or do."
The good news here is we HAVE had these types of conversations, and they were AFTER I'd read through DR, so I was able to follow the "Listen, Validate, empathize" thing... although I may have slipped in an explanation here or there (mostly about how I'd had conversations with my sisters behind closed doors about their treatment of W, and that I regretted not having the conversations right there as they happened and out in the open)... So while I wasn't perfect, I was pretty darn good at listening and validating
