Had a pretty brutal session with my therapist yesterday... but it boiled down to this: He suggested that once I'm ready (which I'm definitely not today, but hope to be very soon) that I need to talk with W in a very transparent way about the situation we're in...
For quite a while now, I've been operating under the assumption that she has been spending time with OM in Orlando, despite the whole "Need to be alone... find myself..." speech she gave before she left and the assertion that no matter what happened between us that she'd "Never end up with him"...
Well the assumption has been confirmed now, thanks to a friend's recent email letting me know of the pictures that exist of them hanging out together at a bar and at a formal event, where they were lovingly embracing for the camera.
With this new information, It makes less and less sense to continue along the path I've been on... the one where I continue being a good friend, listening to her issues, triumphs, and random thoughts on life, and being there for her emotionally when she needs someone to vent with.
As hard as it is for me to say (and I still don't 100% believe it) It's time to change the dynamic here... It's so hard to say that because I can look closely and see all sorts of positive signs of change between us... the sweet emails she sends on occasion, the nice conversations, the random texts about almost nothing... All signs that things are continuing on a path that I'm looking to be on... one which we end up back together and happier than ever...
But with the confirmed knowledge that she is still spending time with another man, I'm starting to enter (as my therapist so bluntly told me) cuckold territory.
He asked a few time and in a few different ways if I was beginning to change my mind on what my course of action was going to be... and I eventually danced around to the point that this new method (of bringing it all to the table and letting her know that I can't continue to be an "option") is beginning to take up a stronger foothold in my head with each passing day...
I told him months ago that one of the conditions to us EVER getting back together was that OM would have to be completely out of the picture... I can't feel confident in a relationship in which my W is still friends with someone who she's "still loves" and would leave me for... even if she "realizes her mistake"...
So he thinks that this bold move may be good for me, and COULD be good for "us"... As all I'm doing, technically, is moving the timeframe up of my conditions...
Although the advice I'm getting from the boards and most of my friends is to be blunt and just ask "Are you dating OM? Are you with OM? Are You Sleeping with OM?" type questions, my IC suggested a different approach... One of transparency, full disclosure, and questioning rather than demanding.
So, he suggested that when I decide to bring this up (which I'm NOT ready to yet, but imagine I will be soon) that I tell her exactly what's gotten me to this point... Meaning I tell her about "how hard i've been trying to work on ME and give her the space she needs... etc. etc. etc... but then a friend emailed me letting me know about these pictures... etc. etc. etc.... Can you explain it to me?"
Keep it an open question to give her a chance to explain what's happening without being accusatory... Since we couldn't start talking about what would happen next, as there are a million things she could say (One: Deny anything is happening, Two: Confirm everything, or the most likely Three: Somewhere in the middle)... At least then things would be out in the open and I'll be able to take my next step based on what comes out of her mouth...
Terrifying concept, but one that I think needs to be put into action... Probably not the next time we talk, but soon...
