In the past you wouldn't have given it a second thought
Acutally, I would have and that is why I am venting because I don't want to be crappy at home later on. I've felt for a long time that I get the short end of the stick and would let H know about it. This is by no means an isolated event, and is probably one of our most basic issues. And I know I shouldn't based my emotions off of what he does, but I'm not all the way there yet.
As for the ego stroking, somewhere in these posts, I've read that one should try to figure out what would make the other member of an EA/PA attractive to them that the spouse doesn't do or that the spouse should try to do to be attractive again (I'm sure I am not summing that up well). While I have no hard evidence, I do suspect a prior mild EA and the woman has popped up again recently but not to the same extent as before. And I believe stroking his ego is something that she probably does do that I am not good at. And I know that H has some insecurity issues. Maybe that is not the right goal I am trying to get at. Maybe I am trying to see what I can do to make him the knight in shinning armour, I don't know.
I do try to drop compliments when every I can. He dressed up for the funeral yesterday and I told him how nice he looked. I am also looking at the positive things he does and try to same something about those, no matter how small, as much as I can to reinforce the positive behavior.
I will try to separate the two. Dropping compliments is fairly easy to do.
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
