I was critical, controlling, defensive, did not take criticism well and my sarcasm came off as hurtful.
Throw in selfish, insecure and impatient and you just described me not too long ago! The weird thing is, realizing I really had these issues was difficult. I knew I was insecure, so I started with that...dug into it, read about it, thought about it. When I thought I had a pretty good handle on it, I moved to the next thing, and then found another issue, and so on.
With regards to the controlling, this was one that I didn't get until later. My wife had even told me straight out she felt controlled. It wasn't until I talked to Mach1 about it that I saw it. Take it from me on this one, you definitely sound controlling in the way you are talking to your W.
Originally Posted By: 9600
I set up our office so that she has a table in there to do her scrapbooking. My idea was that we could work on our own hobbies together, in the same room. She hasn't touched the desk at all, even though she thought it was a good idea when I proposed it. I think we got the desk in April and started having problems in May, so maybe it was too little, too late.
I've also asked her to interrupt me, to tell me when she gets home if I'm off doing something. I drop what I'm doing if she comes into the room. I don't really know how else to demonstrate how important she is to me. Lately, I haven't even entered the man cave, I try to just be up and available when I know she'll be home. Doing dishes or laundry or something. Either that, or I follow the last resort technique of just not being home so she has a chance to wonder what I'm doing rather than seeing me do the same old thing.
That is you leading. Some of the things you are doing sound manipulating...maybe with good intention, but still.
Originally Posted By: 9600
To me flirting is getting to know the other person.
I'm surprised you have this view given that you read "Married Man's Sex Life Primer." That thing was chock full of ideas of married flirting. It makes your W feel desired. Be fun, be playful. Of course, this is a little harder to do given where you're at, but you can still do it a little. Hell, I even did some of it after my W moved out...and we had fun with it.
Originally Posted By: 9600
W said her goal was to work on herself. Just remembered that this morning. Bummer.
I think that's awesome. While M may be your end goal, the fact that she wants to work on herself at least means she's willing to learn and grow. I'd love to her my W say that.
Mach1 suggested I read Co-Dependent No More as I was addressing my controlling behavior. You might consider picking that one up...definitely worth a read. So much of it hit home for me.
Also, as you think about these behaviors, try to figure out why you have them...where do they come from? It's deep, but those kind of questions really helped me.
