I'm moving this weekend. I found a condo 8 min away from my job in a great area. The place is perfect for me and my children.
I felt because it's pretty official now that I needed to share the news with my H. So I called him today to tell him and I could tell he was pretty dang shocked. I'm moving 45 min away from where he currently lives. Poses a little bit of a problem when having to take the kids to school. So he said, I guess this changes things a bit. Meaning he's now going to have to look for places to live more down South where I'm going to be. I asked him if he was looking for places with OW and he said yes.
I immediately went into crazy jks mode and started sharing with him the spiritual feelings I have been having about our R lately. He said, he can't go there right now because he doesn't feel the same way about it anymore. I felt so sad for him that he has lost it so completely. So sad. He also mentioned that he wants to just get this done (meaning the D) and wants it to go as smoothly as possible. He doesn't want to fight over things. So he told me I could take anything I needed from our storage unit.
I really did not DB well. I asked him why he told me the things he did (meaning when he wanted to end things with OW) and then ignored me for weeks and weeks on end. He said, to avoid having conversations like this. I said, so basically I don't deserve to know what's going on? I have never once heard anything from you about what you're doing or what your plans are unless I come to you. That is a bit ridiculous.
I realize now that I should have validated where he was coming from and why he doesn't feel safe talking to me. He continues to keep avoiding me because he doesn't want me to keep rehashing the past. And I don't necessarily want to rehash the past. I just feel like I've been going through so much and I've learned so much and he's naturally the one I want to share those things with. It's frustrating to have to keep it all in when I see him.
But at the same time I'm kind of glad I had this conversation with him today because it really made me realize that I continually want him to be a man that I once had. That man doesn't exist anymore. I want the old H, not the new. So I'm not really losing my H per se, I'm just losing the shell of a man that was my H. I lost MY H a long time ago.
I'm excited to move and finally get settled. I'm excited to move on. I know there's happiness out there for me. I'm excited to be with a man that shares my same views on life and will love and cherish me as a woman.
I'm loving my job and the people I work with ROCK!! Seriously, some of the coolest people I have ever met. I'm so happy when I'm there and I really do forget about the craziness of my life. And my boss has already told me, we're here to help. Anything you need, let me know. I'm feeling good. Things are falling into place. Not necessarily how I would have envisioned and I may come back totally depressed in a couple weeks but right now I'm feeling good.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
i am excited for you jks. a brand new start. like labug said, keep looking forward.
i believe in you ((()))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I moved!! Best thing I could have ever done for myself. I love my job!! The people are amazing and it feels so good to belong to something. I love my new place!! I can tell the kids love it too. It feels like home. I'm still in the process of getting settled but I'm loving it more and more everyday. The first time I had my S4 after I had moved in and his room was put together (his old bed and his old toys) he walked in his room and said, "Mom, this is incwedible!" The pure joy on his face was priceless. It proved to me that I made the right decision in moving where I did.
He told me he loves living here. And my D6 absolutely loves getting up every morning and getting ready for school. She gets to ride the bus now and eat school lunch so she is super big!! Ha!
As for H. He is continuing on his search in looking for a place with OW which is closer to me. I haven't seen or heard anything from him regarding filing for D. I have to limit how much I talk to him about his plan to move in with OW. It still tips me off a bit. It's like I'm living in a whole new world where no one I knew from my previous life exists anymore... except for my children. I look forward to each day and I feel like I have purpose.
I still miss my H. And I think he's crazy for letting me go. Really I do. We get a long really well now. Funny, huh. There's been a lot more texting in regards to our things in our storage units and getting my place set up and the kids with their schools, etc. And I know it has a lot to do with me. I'm not crazy, psycho JKS anymore. At least not very often... ha.
I'm still not completely ready to put myself out there as far as dating goes. In a way, I kinda just want that to happen as it happens. I don't want to go looking for dates. I know I will be blessed with a great person to share my life with one way or the other. I have complete faith in this and I'm happy to wait for the right time for it to come.
I just got internet set up in my place and so my viewing and posting here has been pretty non-existent. And to be honest... I'm going to try and keep it that way in the future because I've realized that my life is meant to be lived. And I was sucking a lot of my time away by sitting in front of my computer and dwelling on my sitch.
So happy I've had all of you to help me through this huge life changing event. Whenever people talk to me about how things are going and what I think about it... they always tell me, wow, you sound like you've really thought this through and you know exactly what you want. Which is absolutely true. I felt very lost for so many months and I'm finally feeling like I have direction. I credit a lot of my rational thinking and positive attitude to a lot of you who continually posted to me. It has helped me more than anything I ever did for myself over this last year.
My 9 year wedding anniversary was on Aug 28 and you know what? I was maybe sad for a second or two and then I moved on with my day. I even happened to see H that day to pick up my kids from him and I didn't even remember about our anniversary. Obviously, it would be wonderful to celebrate all our years together but I'm ok that we're not. I'm celebrating a year of tremendous GROWTH!! I can't even believe I'm talking like this after everything I've been through and the things I still currently go through.
It still hurts to hear OW's name out of my kids' mouths. They still talk about her all the time. And I just have to tell them to stop now. I used to let them go on like normal and pretend it didn't bother me. But now I have to stop them because I have a bubble of happiness and for some odd reason, her name seems to pop it. So, yes, there are still a lot of things that trigger emotions for me. That is why moving as far away as I did was the greatest thing for me because I've gotten rid of a lot of those triggers.
When I see my H, I still get nervous in the moments leading up to it. I kinda wish those feelings would go away and I know one day they will.
Overall, I'm happy! I feel good. I'm making amazing new friends. My kids are happy. And apparently I'm getting divorced... LOL. But, when? I have no idea. I will not be filing so we'll see how he decides to handle it.
I've missed you all.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
congratulations, jks! great things are coming your way!
i, too, credit this forum for getting me through this past year. it's the support group we don't have in the "outside" world and it's made all the difference in my life.
you sound so happpy and confident! what a change a sense of purpose can make for one, huh? i'm so happy for you!
((()))
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
JKS!!! I am so happy to read your news!!!!!! its so wonderful to read and i am so happy your kids are happy! please stay in touch and let us know your news.
in the meantime, will be thinking of you and lots of love
(((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
jks, you sound great. I'm happy for you. Life does go on, doesn't it? Start your new chapter of life, the pen is in your hand. \ D may take a few years, so prepare yourself.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
