telling my story of the cuckoo

[kml]

PF -
As one of the people who has been warning you about him, I'm relieved that you took some action - although concerned about the vindictiveness I'm hearing in your tone.

Also - restraining orders are all fine and good, but in a situation like this, they do very little to protect you. Their main usefulness is as a way to ensure that the police will take him into custody IF the police arrive at your home in time.

Unfortunately, in domestic violence situations, the police often arrive too late. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that a restraining order can protect you. Get the order, but then go stay somewhere that he wouldn't think to look for you. Consider what you need to do to protect your co-workers in the event he comes to your workplace.

As for your question about the young girl's parents - are you honestly concerned for her safety, or just want to get back at the OW by tattling to her parents? Honestly, I think they would just think you are a crazy "woman scorned". Even if they DID believe you, they might not be able to do much to change her behavior.

I suggest you just get yourself to a safe place while the inevitable fallout starts. Don't engage him anymore in any way. Be safe.

[25yearsmlc]

what KML said^^^...

I don't know how you know HER mental status but the word of a scorned woman has little credibility to strangers. It's not your job to warn her b/c it's obvious to most people he's not a normal guy.

As for the FB stuff

I would not respond to him or his posts or bother telling friends "HE is the one who is nuts". If he is ranting how you say, and also posting that he's "in love" with someone decades younger,

it speaks for itself. It says it all.

There is nothing YOU can say that would do more than simply remaining silent, as he loudly self destructs.

I also worry about your tone, and the way you post "sounds" so fast paced that i worry you are spinning your wheels a lot and spiralling. Do what you need to do to PROTECT yourself but don't punish him. That's not your job and it takes so much damn energy to be angry all the time.

Detach BIG TIME from this man as he careens around banging into lives and involving strangers in his drama.

Don't accuse him of needing help. It does NOT help him get it, and it usually triggers a heavy duty reaction in them. But just,

Take a breath, and get to a safe place.

[professorfiancee]

As to my tone, I am neither angry not vindictive at all. I would have to care to have those emotions and that is simply not the case. That died in the last round of Monster, and even before was on life support. (I am just tired and saddened now and only feel pity for him.) Instead I have spent much of this time trying to help him, to cover for his actions, to correct or explain his words and actions, but that has not helped. As to spinning my wheels etc-not happening. I am taking care of the situation and walking away, nothing more, nothing less. Yes things happened relatively quickly in that I reached my limit in a few short days but then I have been putting up with this for many months and the cumulative effect became clear in the time we were together most recently. I was so detached and did not feel anything for him romantically as he was acting like a child, sulking, throwing things, yelling, throwing crumbs of maybe maybe for a future, and then withholding affection when I did/said something he did not like. I became so disgusted and tired of the nonsense, even happy when he was leaving-tired of walking on egg shells-just physically exhausted.
As to her parents, I know about her mental issues because her mother informed us over a year ago when she was being treated for depression, failing her classwork, cutting, and was suicidal. She-mother came to Cuckoo to thank him for his support and help, for spending so much time with her, distracting her and giving her something to look forward to. Further, it is only because my parents said they wished someone had told them about his previous behavior as they can now look back and see things that should have been warnings. I am offering them NO opinions only access to his rantings on my FB, copies of the tapes of him threatening to kill me, and court documents so if they can help their daughter they can choose to do so or not. I do not really care one way or another. He is on his own and I will never do one thing to help him or let him be involved in my life again. I AM DONE.

[professorfiancee]

As to your statement concerning "inevitable fallout" I do not think there will be any fallout for me as he has too much to deal with in Missouri to worry about me. I AM DONE, and have hopped off the crazy train. I hope he gets help but that is not relevant to me or my situation. It is his choice but he will never be in my life again.

[MrBond]

I don't know why everyone seems flippant about warning the OW. Ever since the theater shootings it's a big issue.

IMHO I still think you should tell the OW or her family and if they believe/or not believe you that's up to them/her. But maybe just maybe you can save a life. Psychos have a tendency to kill not the intended victim but their whole families including innocent children.

[professorfiancee]

Yes, telling him he needed to get help caused a HUGE negative reaction. (How silly of me to think he might listen and think over what I said as he did with other things recently.) He yelled, screamed, got violent, cried, denied he ever did those things that I pointed out, then admitted them when I showed him the posts but said they were very normal responses to a devil that was solely responsible for ruining his life, then twisted my words and mirrored my words to him for his FB postings accusing me of the very same actions he did while denying he did those actions. It has been one heck of a pity party for him fed by the responses of the students at the school telling him how sorry they are for him and how they will stand by a "real cool doc" like him and he ate up every word of it, thanking them for their support and asking them how he should continue to "help" me. Sure 20 year olds would know. But DONE IS DONE. This nightmare is over.

[professorfiancee]

Mr. Bond, I agree and I do ABSOLUTELY believe he will do something like that if there is not an intervening factor that prevents him from doing that. Too many people worry about how they look. When I said and did nothing with my first husband he ran over an unrelated female pedestrian on one of his drunken sprees. In this case, I have to ask myself if looking like a
"woman scorned" is more important to me than trying. As I do not care about how I look to some small town Missouri family, I do not think that is an issue I care about. He has such hatred for military servicepersons that I worry he may also target them. In fact I am betting he will likely do something like that in his present state of mind. Can I live with that to protect my image with one family I will never see and care nothing about?

[MrBond]

Then I don't see what you're conflicted about. YOu don't even have to tell these people who you are. On the one hand you're belittling the family whom you've never met and wondering whether or not you should do the right thing.

Just do it. And possibly save someone.

[kml]

As to my tone, I am neither angry not vindictive at all

Ummmm....I think most people would agree that saying you "NUKED" him is pretty aggressive. (Do you make a habit of not owning your angry feelings?)

As for whether he'll come after you - you just ruined his job, plan to ruin his relationship, and somehow you don't think this crazy irrational guy is gonna come after you? I would be VERY afraid and VERY careful. VERY. SERIOUSLY.

(Note: I think it was appropriate to warn his work, and given OW's precarious mental health and your previous contact with her parents, it may be appropriate to warn them also - but you have to rein in that part of you that is just looking for revenge.)

[forward]

Perhaps you could have someone else talk to OW's family?