I was thinking about that yesterday and in a funny way I am starting to enjoy it. I was questioning why I want to reconcile because there were bad parts. She could be extremely moody, intolerant and irritable and I was constantly worrying about upsetting her. The last two days I've been able to do something in the evening and then pop back to work to sort an experiment no questions asked. I can eat what I want, when I want no worrying about how much oil is in it. She once went absolutely mental at me for using 1 tbsp of oil instead of 1/2. A lot of women would be happy their husbands helped with the cooking and I got shouted at! Then my self esteem issue kicks in and says well she's probably having an even better time than you and doesn't want to come back. Which does fit the current state quite well unfortunately. I just get that under control and then I remember the good times and how great it was and think if we could get past this and start again it could be even better. How would she react to my enjoying life? I have no idea. Happy? Concerned? Uninterested? I don't know. She is very different towards me and life in general now. This is a woman who hated bananas with a passion, hated the smell, taste, texture, everything. A month before bomb drop she forced herself to start eating them. This is a woman who chose Mozart's requiem, a piece written to commemorate the death of a spouse, for our wedding because she didn't know what it was but it sounded nice. She now goes to at least two classical concerts a week and constantly has classic fm on the radio. It's like she's decided that everything before now was wrong and with the help of her therapist she's rewriting her entire life. It's why I think there's a strong mlc element to this. It's also one of the main reasons why I have serious doubts that this can be overcome.
