To Lovingly Detach

[25yearsmlc]

And how would my D8's life be better if her mom decided to get a divorce and be automatically granted full custody? You're damn right I'm acting out of fear. Right now, it's not like I could even leave the country with D8 (not that I would be ready to put D8 through this kind of ordeal anyway), I couldn't even afford the flight out.

It's still the Idul Fitri holiday. D8 is off school til next week.

So, NOT a school night


It was an outdoor concert for the holiday season. D8 was with friends of my W the ones who drove them there. The concert probably finished at around 11:30 or so. It was in a neighbouring town 3 hours away.


So, they were 3 hours away and got home 3 hours after the concert finished, and someone else drove them there...

Sorry Bond and Arsene, but to me, this is all about control. You don't seem to have it anymore. And you want it. Your w sensed that so she didn't come in. While you may think it's guilt and that guilt helps you, I don't think so. I think she's seeing you as a pain in the butt and didn't want to be near you, and that doesn't help your cause. But I could be wrong. I just don't think the whole "guilt them" routine is very successful at this stage.

See a Lawyer if you want to try and get more control or power than you have.

I don't think a one night special event, which you knew the location of, is a big deal.

And If you knew where they were, then why'd you make such a stink? You couldn't deduce when they'd arrive? Do you know how hard (and rude) it is to have a cell phone ON at a concert?

You sure you weren't upset because you weren't invited? Felt lonely?

What's up with your anger if you knew where they were and how far it was?

As for not driving her and d8 to the concert, well I guess you made your point. I hope you check yourself for motives, but if you know it's b/c you were setting a boundary then fine.

I guess I don't see a lot of "cake eating" b/c she's in a boarding house and you have d8 & are moving into a house with D8 soon, without your w, so far. And you find cake eating every time she does something you don't like.

And you are in a country without laws that favor you. At least that's what your first L said. I like to get more than one legal opinion. So should you.





Believe me Bond. There isn't much I can do at this point, thus my frustration.

interesting comment. Think about it.

I am wiling to hear any possible course of action which would consider the above but somehow, I'm not sure there are any options. It's bloody eating me up.

Detach. Stop letting it "eat you up". Seriously. Get a grip. Here's a little piece on detachment and there's a lot around here on this site.


"This was originally posted by Peanut.
============
II. Detachment
Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship.

Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done. Our ego gets wounded and we say or do things that undermine our goals.

We can NOT control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness.

If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love.


Met with love, we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals. On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.

Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, "I am not getting what I want so I must pull back."

It is the natural acceptance of the reality that "I am alone responsible for how I act. I cannot control another person, but I can control how I respond to them."


Take this^^^ in.

Good luck