I'm moving this weekend. I found a condo 8 min away from my job in a great area. The place is perfect for me and my children.
I felt because it's pretty official now that I needed to share the news with my H. So I called him today to tell him and I could tell he was pretty dang shocked. I'm moving 45 min away from where he currently lives. Poses a little bit of a problem when having to take the kids to school. So he said, I guess this changes things a bit. Meaning he's now going to have to look for places to live more down South where I'm going to be. I asked him if he was looking for places with OW and he said yes.
I immediately went into crazy jks mode and started sharing with him the spiritual feelings I have been having about our R lately. He said, he can't go there right now because he doesn't feel the same way about it anymore. I felt so sad for him that he has lost it so completely. So sad. He also mentioned that he wants to just get this done (meaning the D) and wants it to go as smoothly as possible. He doesn't want to fight over things. So he told me I could take anything I needed from our storage unit.
I really did not DB well. I asked him why he told me the things he did (meaning when he wanted to end things with OW) and then ignored me for weeks and weeks on end. He said, to avoid having conversations like this. I said, so basically I don't deserve to know what's going on? I have never once heard anything from you about what you're doing or what your plans are unless I come to you. That is a bit ridiculous.
I realize now that I should have validated where he was coming from and why he doesn't feel safe talking to me. He continues to keep avoiding me because he doesn't want me to keep rehashing the past. And I don't necessarily want to rehash the past. I just feel like I've been going through so much and I've learned so much and he's naturally the one I want to share those things with. It's frustrating to have to keep it all in when I see him.
But at the same time I'm kind of glad I had this conversation with him today because it really made me realize that I continually want him to be a man that I once had. That man doesn't exist anymore. I want the old H, not the new. So I'm not really losing my H per se, I'm just losing the shell of a man that was my H. I lost MY H a long time ago.
I'm excited to move and finally get settled. I'm excited to move on. I know there's happiness out there for me. I'm excited to be with a man that shares my same views on life and will love and cherish me as a woman.
I'm loving my job and the people I work with ROCK!! Seriously, some of the coolest people I have ever met. I'm so happy when I'm there and I really do forget about the craziness of my life. And my boss has already told me, we're here to help. Anything you need, let me know. I'm feeling good. Things are falling into place. Not necessarily how I would have envisioned and I may come back totally depressed in a couple weeks but right now I'm feeling good.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
