can Turtles still stand?

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vera - this friend - we were quite close friends and he sometimes worked for me and loved what i did. we spent some wonderful times together working on h's kilns - actually crazy all-nighters where we worked our butts off to the point of death to keep h's kiln going

after h told them - about a month after BD - they can barely look me in the face. they seem very embarrassed, and he and his wife have barely spoken to me in a year. i think i can count on one hand the number of interactions i've had with them

i was really hurt for the first 6 months - until i realized that maybe they felt really bad and didn't know what to do.

one of the things he loved was my mom's cooking - i mean really loved - and when i came back from visiting my parents in march, i had brought a bunch of indian special desserts back. on a whim, i decided to offer an olive branch, so to speak, and dropped by and gave them to him. he was delighted but was also very pained - extremely pained. i left the ball in their court.

they never took it up - they were at s's b'day party - actually they are our only friends that have never missed any of his b'days. and when they had a s 2 years ago, he became the stay at home dad - and would drop by 2 o3 times a week with the baby and hang out with me. i made their s's b'day cake every year.

so i was very very sad to lose the connection - and when that invitation arrived day before yesterday - i was so pleased. i never expected to get one. i had given up on expecting anything from them

it could be that they sent it out of courtesy, it could be that they really want me to come. it could be neither. it could be they know that ow will be there, or not.

don't forget - i've been acting so happy - they may assume that i am fine with her presence. it 's possible h may have told them that..

who knows.

but do i want to celebrate his b'day - sure, but do i need to with someone who has not called me once in an entire year and has hung out with ow.

don't get me wrong - i am not resentful about that towards friend - h put him in that position ...

do i want to be at a party where h and ow are, possibly with s.

s is very excited about this party - this friend is like s's hero! how do i explain to s that i can't be there? he knows i love friend

i've got a lot on my plate.

yes - but who served it to me? did i serve it to myself?

that, is definitely food for thought...