can Turtles still stand?

[zig]

I don't regret my fight to keep her away, but in the long run, when I look back, there was a point I should have not let every ounce of energy be sucked into that mission, because it wasn't one I could win in the long run.

gabbysmom - thank you so much for coming to tell me about your experience.

what you wrote above - thank you for your perspective from a place way down the road from where i am at now.

i am learning - with humility - that there are others much wiser than me who can help me to see my way through this.

As far as when the time is right for your S to meet OW.... well, you can try to have that conversation, but..... in reality, his final decision on when to introduce S to OW is his choice

I realize fully that it is his choice.

the conversation - after i finished venting here, was to be about establishing what he really means by saying that we should talk together and make decisions together about everything to do with s.

to possibly point out that from where i am standing, it doesn't look like that is happening and if that is how he wishes to proceed, then i just want to be clear about it.

there's an old pattern here - a very strong one from both of us -

h waits until the very last moment to announce stuff so that there is no time to disagree or change anything - one is left with no choice, in a way.

i tend to not say anything because i can see there's a problem but don't know who to approach him with it,, because when i do he dismisses it as unimportant.

subsequently we both go ahead and do whatever we feel like, without any regard for the other person's feelings on this matter.

he's quite bitter about that last statement , you know - tells me often that i just went ahead and did whatever i wanted. from his pov i didn't really discuss it with him, from my pov i would but it was like he didn't hear me

but the pattern here that's arisen is the first one - he's, for once, feeling out, or telling me what he may/may not do.
so there's a very slight difference here - he's said something, but still acting like he's going to give me the info at the very last minute

so what can i do different here? i want to break these patterns - i have always wanted to from the beginning.

do i stay "humble" and let the pattern continue?

do i take this as an opportunity to break away from the old one -at a timely moment - us just beginning the dialogue of how we are going to parent in the future through and after a D?


i realized that what i was venting earlier - was venting - and that i was going to wait until i was really calm and grounded about this before even thinking of calling h to meet and talk. that in the state i am now - it would be a disaster.

so if you have any thoughts about what i have written - i would love to hear them.:)

thanks again - i really appreciate you following my sitch and giving me your insight on this.

zig