i was confused about the humility - and waited. and you added more...
you're right - you're standing back form this sitch and can see when i circle around again.
what round am i on? 5 , 6? I lost count...
but you were watching out for me, weren't you?
thanks. I feel a lot more humble now.
i was so fired up - that i couldn't see what i was building up in my mind about being right about this.
and yes - everyone around me - family, friends, therapist - all appalled and demanding that I do something about it.
I've said my piece to h, yesterday when he asked.
He knows how I feel. he'll make his decision...
Yes, I could have the conversation with him, it may work. I will feel it out - if the opportunity is given to me...
for now - acceptance that this is where i'm at... and it's okay.
This remains about you, zig. It's neither good nor bad. It is about attempting to control an outcome which you perceive to be negative for your s.
Yes, this remains about me - not what h is doing or what will happen to s, only how i am carrying this and could possibly continue to carry it.
instead of focusing on what may or may not happen with this scenario - I need to focus and dig deep and find out why this still makes me crazy.
otoh - i still find myself thinking - what is my role as parent and protector of my child - does this not fall within that role?
In all of this, i think i am still trying to figure out how to approach this - what makes me a good mother to our s? where is the line drawn, when his father - by general consensus is confused and acting from a confused state.
am i trying to fix - what he cannot right now?
maybe that is the issue here really - me trying to fix through the back door what h is doing - and that i do not want to do.
i will sit with this more...
KD - what can i say?
you know...
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
