Hopeless optimist...

[Just A Guy]

Was hard today, hard to focus at work, hard to keep my mind off her and hardest to keep my composure when our "song" came on at work followed by "dreaming with a broken heart"

My stomach turned and I felt a rush of sadness sweep over me. I was taken back to when we first danced together in her apartment and how she looked in my eyes and I saw my future with her.

I don't know whether this sadness was because she only texted me once to see how work was going or whether it is needy withdraw symptoms or really what to think. I know my W is going through all sorts of crap in her own head but all these mixed signals I am getting are really starting to take their toll on my psyche.

Just to let you know I am being strong, confident, upbeat and really taking care of myself. I know the psychology behind doing 180's and being the man she would be crazy to leave but is there a point where you say enough and throw a hail mary?

I can't let fear hold me hostage and I am really trying to get off this roller coaster but I never have felt this much desperation towards trying to keep anyone ever. It's driving me batty trying to not backslide, do 180's, act "as if" and take care of myself all while starting a new job and constantly thinking about her leaving me.

I know you all are going to get board of this. I really do love the words of encouragement and support, I really need it and I feel like here is my only outlet.