If people are pressuring her and then tell you about it, then you can politely tell them that while you appreciate their concern, this is ultimately a problem between you and her.
So how do you manage to take care of the kids? Your kids are so young, there are some instances where you have to work together. How are your interactions then?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Obviously I can say that, yet I'm afraid it fall upon deaf ears.
In regards to our kids, we see eye to eye on most everything. "We make a great team," per her. I agree. Side from when she's neglecting them so to speak for her phone; and when I was too busy torturing myself checking phone records.
"Obviously I can say that, yet I'm afraid it fall upon deaf ears. "
Doesn't matter. What matters is that you say it and that it tells them that you are handling your own sh*t.
Aside from the dig you just made about her on the phone, how do you two talk about the kids? Businesslike? Do you do things together with them like birthdays, school functions, etc.? There's a fine line between avoiding your spouse and neglecting your kids' needs.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
@ Cadet. In many ways she has been having her cake. That's where I struggle in terms of being too nice. Also, I read to offer compliments here and there. What needs were you referring too (emotional, basic, etc)?
@MrBond, that wasn't a true dig, there's truth to how can one be present in the moment when you're obsessed with checking your phone. Sure there us some bitterness, but again, not a true dig.
More business like in the sense that we've only had to deal with school starting, no bsquare or holidays yet. The plan is for Sunday to be family days where we all spend time together for the kids.
"we have each allowed life to get us by the "b*lls;" and not make our marriage a priority."
It sounds like she made the M a priority, but you weren't ready to listen. You said she told you that you work too much and that she felt like a single parent. It speaks volumes.
I understand that you worked long hours, etc. But work isn't what keeps a relationship going. Providing also isn't what fills a W's need. It's what a man does. It's the unspoken stuff that needs working on.
If you don't live together and don't see together, how do you know how often she's checking her phone? And besides it's really none of your business. She takes care of the kids, plays with them, feeds them, etc. Then she's fine.
Okay, so you're going to be starting the Sundays with family this week?
And I didn't see your answer if you read DR or not.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
We do still live together. I read DR, and realized many of the mistakes I initially made. I agree that she would at times make the M a priority whereas I had more of a financial priority. We're a little , and it wasn't over 2 months into the live-in separation, and it wasn't until a week ago that she told me everything directly, the magnitude of how shehas felt off and on throughout the years. I listened, but guess I never truly heard.
My morning this far, Woke up as usual to help 2 of the 3 kids ready to leave for school with the W. Today I didn't automatically get her a cup of coffee as I had been doing as an act of kindness. It didn't seem to be giving me any positive changes so I stopped. She evidently woke up not feeling good (cold and headache) and a little later than usual so I knew she wasn't in a good mood. Unfortunate.ateky my D, who is 11 and becoming more sensitive due to her age, found out the hard way. The W yelled at D because she must not have rinsed all the shampoo out of her from last night's shower. D started to cry. W yelled at her to stop being ridiculous and quit pouting. I overheard this from the other room and went in and nonverbally told W to stop. I don't think I was out of place was I? D didn't see me politely encourage my W to stop, as yelling at people who are upset normally us counterproductive. Also, I did end up making lunch for my wife and getting her a "to go" coffee, since she was running so late for school / work. It was either that or she wasn't going to eat so she said. Right or wrong? Lastly, she did say aloud, "Why can't I get my act together in the morning." I wanted to offer my opinion (eg staying up too late in your phone), but I did not say a word. Mini triumph for me. Time to get our 3 child up and ready for school.
