Freedomland Ahead

[BeingMe]

GWN has brought up the sexual abuse issue that her H has, and mine too. I thought my H had dealt with it years back, but maybe most of the issues we fight with in our M is linked to that. Fortunately, I have not abandoned my H, always fought for him, stayed because I really do love him. But, it's time to leave ... with the hope he finds some happiness in his life. I don't think he sees the abuse as adding to his behavior ... maybe it is, or not. I've not wanted to bring it up to my H, because I want to avoid the pain for him. He'll have to want to seek help, for himself, but he doesn't think he can change, and this is his true self (a cheater? a liar? what?). Below is the part I discussed with GWN:

"My H was also a victim of sexual abuse, around the age of 12. A so-called friend of the family who entertained male students with my H, getting him drunk and feeding him pictures of pornographic material while taking turns to abuse him. I still want to cry for that little boy, even though I've known about this for 14 years. He think he's okay about that and did get help a few years back, but I doubt this event has helped with the MLC or depression he's experiencing now. But, if he won't go for help, there is nothing I can do. He also hates to open up to emotions. He's shut down, closed off, and doesn't want me expressing my feelings to him.

I've tried to wait for him, 7 years, but it's time to leave."

AND

"About 14 years ago, he sought help with a psychologist for porn addiction, and the whole sexual abuse came out then. The psychologist had me in so that it could be explained to me. I had great sympathy for the boy who had to go through that abuse. I have always tried to let my H know that he is safe with me. Yet, there are actions he does that I see as a connection, but he does not. I don't think the psycholanalysis was completed (can it ever be). I think all this is still connected, but he will not discuss it, or any kind of emotional feeling.

I will check out the site. Thanks. Sadly, I think it's too late for us. I've waited years, and sometimes the wife of a victim has to find peace and a life for herself too. But, I will be there for him, if he needs me to be, and if I still can be."