Based upon what you tell us about OM, it sounds to me that he will bury himself with this EVENTUALLY. He cheated on her multiple times in the past, he will, most likely, do it again.
Yeah... don't believe what she told you. Obviously we don't know for sure, because you haven't asked... but signs point to her being with him right now. IMO.
I'm 99.9% sure... In fact, just yesterday, and Ex of mine got in contact with me out of the blue saying that she'd been looking at some FB pictures of a recent charity event and a bar she frequents and saw multiple picture of W with OM.
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
Do you want to know for sure?
What if you knew 100% that she was having PA with OM? Does that change anything for you?
Would she be honest with you about it if you asked her point blank? I was 'lucky' that my W was. At least it gave me the full picture and allowed for me to choose my path based on the truth.
If you want to know for sure, then I'd suggest asking her...
"W I need to ask a few questions. Please be honest with me. I deserve the truth. I will not be mad and will still love you either way. Are you dating OM? Are you sleeping with him?" THAT IS IT right now.
So, if I understand you correctly, I should ask this point blank, control my reaction and just thank her for her honesty... Then do nothing? No talk about how "I won't be in your life as long as OM is" type stuff?
I'd suggest not calling it an affair, because she probably does not see it that way. It will come across as an attack.
If you do this, you need to be 100% prepared for the answer. You cannot react negatively or angrily. You accept the answer and react calmly and with deliberation. If it is an in person conversation, and you find yourself getting upset, politely excuse yourself for a few minutes. If it is on the phone and you find yourself getting upset, politely end the conversation and tell her that you will call her later after you have a chance to digest what you have been told.
IMO, you should have this conversation. You deserve to know. You cannot possibly digest the PA if it exists and you do not know for sure. You cannot begin the process of forgiving if you do not know for sure. JMO.
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
I'd start GALing then. Use twitter. But I wouldn't just tweet about your GAL activities. Tweet about other things in your life as well. Your dogs, your job, your house, your family... whatever. Begin tweeting once or twice a day so that it is not obvious that you are trying to get your GAL activities out there.
This may get some flack for being game playing. I don't care. I think that there has to be a certain amount of strategizing and game playing. And it doesn't mean that I don't believe in the other stuff about working on yourself, coming out of this a better man either way, etc. I do believe in that. I just think that you can do both. That your goals can be two pronged: 1) Save yourself; 2) Save your M.
Luckily, I DO tweet almost every day, sometimes multiple times... And I tweet about all kids of stuff, but mostly updates on the puppy, random thoughts, and the like. Occasionally, a GAL thing hits my twitter feed, so ratcheting that up a bit won't be odd at all... Sure it's a little bit of game playing, but sometimes that's the right answer.
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
You want to build some mystery around yourself... and show your W that you are spontaneous and fun. How can you do that when she is hundreds of miles away and you have gone dark on her (more on going dark later)?
Here, you have a history of using twitter and you know that your W sees it. Use it. I'd also suggest that you begin posting on FB again too.
Definitely interested on the "Going Dark" part. And I agree, showing spontaneity and fun via Social Media is a good idea. Plus, it'll help in the personal GAL process!
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
FB and twitter can be windows. Both for your W to see into your life without having contact with you, AND for you to see into your W's life. This can be a double edged sword for sure. But in cases like your's, where there are no kids that require contact about, I believe it can be used as a tool... just can't be too obvious.
Well in this case, they're "One-Way Mirrors" not Windows, as she's defriended and blocked me (and everyone I know pretty much) from her Social Media profiles. But I still get the point. It's an unobtrusive/voyeuristic line of communication.
Thanks for the advice! Plenty to chat about with IC tonight!
