Wow - you really hit the nail on the head with this post!!! I know I have done that so many times in the past as well, and Im sure thats why he doesnt believe I am changing for the better.
I dont know. Maybe he really is moving on. Maybe she really isnt a rebound. Im going to continue to pray hard though, and do all the background work for sure though... This morning, I sent him some text photos of our son headed to his first day of school. He had made a comment how he really didnt dress up for school, since it was the first day. I told him he was grumpy - really grumpy - and to have a good day. (tried ending the conversation there...) He asked if he didnt get any sleep, which I replied he got plenty - he just isnt ready for school to start yet. Once he got there he was fine. Then I asked how he was. He said good - that they were paving today. SO the conversation went into his work, and what they were doing. I then reminded him that he hasnt picked up the tree I had given him - and didnt get a response. So - something we had always did - I texted Bueller.... His reply was sorry - really busy... paving.. I just sent back that I had seen him in action before and have a good day..... I wasnt being pouncy, was I?
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
MrsD: Sounds like a good interaction, hopefully you didnt put the part about wanting to take him to lunch today in your text b/c if you did, then yes thats pouncing. If you didnt, then the other was a little playful banter in my mind and there's no harm there as long as it doesn't cause him to pull back.
If that playful banter causes him to pull back then you have to cut it out as well.
Maybe I'm missing something, but I'm not seeing how even "playful banter" is going to help MrsD accept the reality of her divorce, and move on with her life?
I try Labug - but is hard to let go when I know things hes said to me, and to all of our friends not even 5 weeks ago... I still hold on with knowing that...
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
MrsD: Sounds like a good interaction, hopefully you didnt put the part about wanting to take him to lunch today in your text b/c if you did, then yes thats pouncing. If you didnt, then the other was a little playful banter in my mind and there's no harm there as long as it doesn't cause him to pull back.
If that playful banter causes him to pull back then you have to cut it out as well.
Hey Carnac - no I didnt text that to him. It was just a thought I threw out there because it was a thought. Like I said before - we get along remarkably well and in any case, I think we would still be together if she wasnt in the picture...
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Maybe I'm missing something, but I'm not seeing how even "playful banter" is going to help MrsD accept the reality of her divorce, and move on with her life?
Starsky - as you had posted before - there are more marriages that end in divorce with the couples realizing what it is they had, and get remarried. Yes. I am divorced. No - I dont feel as if we are done. He may be with someone right now, I get that. Im just hoping for another chance to make what I did wrong, right. Thats all.
Hi Bond! First and foremost, I dont speak with the trainer any longer. I have deleted any form of contact with him. I no longer work out with him, or see him as a chiropractor.
How does he know this?
Originally Posted By: Mrs D
Secondly, I deactivated my FB account (although I do get on once a week to see what my daughter is up to on hers - then I deactivate it again). He had huge issues with FB. That was actually where I started talking to the trainer about working out.
This is what I want to call you out on. Your exH specificaly asked you where you heard about your mutuals friends news. You told him FB. To him, nothing has changed in that area. If you want to someday show him changes, get off of FB. If you want to check on your daughter, have her show you.
Originally Posted By: Mrs D
I asked him the other day if he would just date me - let me show him that I can be trusted again. Let me make him a priority - but its still too soon. Maybe in a couple months I should try again, I dont know.
Why are you asking him to date you now? You are obviously not ready. Fix yourself before anything. If you truly want him back, stop talking to him about it. Fix yourself and let him miss you. Don't worry about his gf. It's been such a short time. If you truly believes he loves you, then he won't let that relationship flourish.
Listen to what the others are telling you. Work on you. If you get into another realtionship (with your ex or someone else), chances are you will revert back to the old you if you don't fix everything first.
Mrs.D. Even though you are now D, I personally do not think that you need to give up and move on.
There are plenty of stats (even if they are low) that indicate some people DO reconnect and re-marry.
If that is what you want. If your X is not now M to someone else, then even though he is seeing an OW, he MIGHT still be available.
You are getting some really good advice if you do want to pursue that route, IMHO.
It is a good idea if you move forward with the idea that you are D and may not ever re-connect with your H in anything more than a friendship way.
Right now... no matter WHAT you do... have no expectations...
No one has a crystal ball and who knows... if you work on yourself and your X notices... he might even approach you one day in the future and see if the two of you might get back together...
YOU decide how you want to proceed and working on yourself will benefit you, no matter what the future brings.
