Maybe something good, maybe a setback, I don't know....
She texted again yesterday and we talked for a bit longer than normal. And it was a good conversation. After it was over I caved. I wanted to see her....I know, the opposite of DETACH! I decided I was just going to go by her work a drop her off a coffee. I have been working out lots and have lost a lot of weight, and I have been working on myself emotionally and mentally too. I wanted her to see...
I brought her a coffee, I know her favorite obviously. She was very surprised to see me. But instead of just saying thank you and the she was very busy (I was thinking she might because she is extremely busy constantly with other employees all the time while at work), she asked if I wanted to sit down for a few minutes.
We had a pretty good conversation, not too serious but somewhat serious. I was able to control my emotions and keep a confident yet humble demeanor through the whole conversation.
She said I looked really great and she was proud of all the positive changes I was making in my life. The I asked her how she was feeling (I know. Another painful breach of DETACH). But she said
"I don't know what to do. I love the changes you are making in your life, but now I feel like I have to choose one or the other. If I decide to come back home, I will lose my family forever. My mom will never speak to me again."
I told her that I didnt think that would be true, that family always comes around after time. But she didnt think that would be true. She said she just needed more time to think. I knew at this point the conversation was getting too deep and there was nothing else I could accomplish at this point.
I just said that I was really glad to see her, (she looked REALLY good, but she looked extremely tired). We got up she gave me a big, I squeezed tight (couldnt help myself). We walked to the door and then she said it was really good to see me and she mentioned that I looked great again and then she hugged me again, kissed me on the cheek again, and said she would talk to me soon.
She sent me a text later that said "It was really nice to see you, thanks for the coffee. I would have liked to talk more, but it is really hard at work"
Later in the evening she just randomly sent me a picture of our little dog sleeping in his bed and said they had gone for a big walk and he was all tuckered out. I just sent back how cute he looked and how much I missed him.
I don't want to read too much into all this. I am still keeping in mind the "Believe none of what she says, and half of what she does comment". But as much as I broke DETACH, I feel good about yesterday. I also realize that for every high in this process there is an equal or greater low potentially. I hope I havent done more harm than good to myself.
I am going to try again to step back and just do my own stuff for my own good. I just feeling like any longer than 4 or 5 days without some kind of decent conversation is too long to go for us.
