Today is the toughest yet. D8 comes home from two week visit with my dad while things unfolded. She has no idea, and outside of a brief conversation, my W and I have not talked much about how to adress this.
We agreed last week that d8 would stay with me tonight and for the week. Yesterday W said she wants her to come home with her.
She believes it's important to take her to see new apt. I don't believe that has to happen today. If I refuse to let her go, she will likely involve the police. If I do let her go, I know she will not bring her back to stay with me this week.
MIL there, and W unwilling to do it there w D2. I mentioned it, she refused. I initially suggested a neutral location, but W thought it was a bad idea. I just don't know what to do.
Now I am not saying that if getting back together with your wife is not a good idea if that is what you want. I am just saying that it is not a good idea right now. Your marriage did not deteriorate to this point overnight and even under the best of circumstances it is not going to be fixed overnight. If she were to offer to reconcile right now and you just took her back you would just be sending a message to her that she can treat you however she wants and you will just roll over and take it. Insist that she make changes in her life just like you are. It takes two to break a marriage and it is going to take two people to fix it.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
A lot going on right now regarding the kids. I would like to update the situation.
Very briefly, I retained an attorney and told W I was going to file w/ motion to put in place temporary custody order. She freaked out, wanting us to make decisions together for our girls. We met with a mediator and agreed to a 2 on 2 off arrangement for now. We will meet again this Thursday to put in place a longer term agreement. If things break down this week, I will file and serve her on Friday. The paperwork is ready, I only need to inform my attorney to move forward.
We will see what happens.
Unfortunately, I have abandoned DBing for the time being to put my energy toward my kids. I still in my heart want a R, but don't see that as even a remote possibility at this time. I hope to be back here taking in the good advice from the fine people here.
I do want to say thanks to Chatter, Starsky, NASCAR, Bond, and the many others who have helped me along the way. Thank you all for encouraging me to put my kids first. I intend to drop the gloves if needed, but am encouraged by the agreement we have in place now regarding custody. Hopefully, we can work together for the sake of our beautiful little girls.
If you do go the card route, I'd advise a funny "Shoebox"-type card, with a note that says "All things considered, I thought you could use a laugh today. I did want to acknowledge the date, however, as no matter what happens here I will always appreciate the memories we created" (or something similar).
You could always shoot her a similar text, too.
NO GIFTS unless maybe it's something sensible, like a small Starbucks gift card or something similar.
