can Turtles still stand?

[labug]

zig, I can't find it now but the part about treating others how we would like to be treated, perfect. That's how we best treat others to treat us.

Now that the adrenaline surge is gone, how are you?

[zig]

yeah well - i'm about done here.

he crossed the line at the mere suggestion that he could come to that party with ow and just put her in my face!!

interesting little thing about the crossing the line theme that came up 3 times yesterday.

I had my appointment with the hypnotherapist right after the mediators - we talked a long time and right at the end i said to him - you know i've watched this sitch and read about others sitches. i have developed this theory that the WAS doesn't cross this invisible line through this whole thing. that i have watched h, and he only takes it to a certain point - it's as if he's always aware that i have this certain limit and if he crosses it i will be done. i think that line is different for each couple but they are always aware.

then at lunch - h brought up that friend who had tried to pull me into the cult a few weeks ago - and got all fired up about it again. he said she's no friend of mine, and i wish that when i was really angry that week when you told me about it, i had called her and told her to f off. i said - oh so you don't consider her a friend anymore? (there's history here - i refused to hang out with her the year before BD - and it pissed him off because one day i finally said i don't want you and s going over there for dinner. he agreed but he was sooo angry with me)

so when i asked that, his reply was "no, she crossed the line and i'm done with her" i asked how did she cross the line and he said when she tried to pull you into that cult by deceiving you she crossed the line.

then he got quiet and said this most bizarre thing:" i guess i could say the same thing about you and me. when you crossed the line i was done with you"

I was DYING to ask him how i crossed the line. but my instinct came up big time and told me to STFU and leave it right there. let that thought stay in his head - he WILL think about how i crossed the line, and he will realize that i didn't cross any line - not before BD and not after.

and then of course later when i heard form mil about what he was considering about that party - the first thought that popped up in my head - he's crossed the line. enough! that's it for me!!

right now i am seriously considering letting him know that if he proceeds with intro'ing ow the way he is planning - he can expect no support form me from this point on.

BUT - i'm giving myself and the universe a chance to let things unfold on their own. me - 48 hr rule! the universe - has got my back and s's and will take care of things for us.

My Turtles Faith and Trust are permanently residing with me now - and they are not leaving anytime soon!! and I do believe Power, that i didn't even know existed, has come to visit!!

thanks KD - you are right - the cracks are very visible in the castle wall - but my back is solidly turned - towards me and my life!

thanks for the hug and the visit - i know you want to stay away , so this is extra special

btw - do we ever get to know how you are doing now - or are you going to keep that away from us too?

hope you are doing wonderfully

{{{{{{KD}}}}}}

zig

[bustingout]

hi Zig-

wow, you were so calm and in control. i am so impressed and in admiration.

i want to say something that i first thought when he asked you for the D in the first place.

i wouldn't be surprised if these recent actions (D talk and mediator) are being pushed by OW. it just smells like it to me. (and WHATEVER about you meeting her..seriously this has got to be her idea i am rolling my eyes so much right now)

my thoughts re: son. introduce when D is final. no sooner. protect son. this may be this is OW's idea as well, and the situation does not seem that stable...he just told his mom he didn't think it was going to work!

i love you zig. sorry if i sound harsh or preachy. am just a little effed off for you

picnic...now



continue doing what you need

[zig]

Now that the adrenaline surge is gone, how are you?

you know labug - i don't think it was a surge - it's just me now.

of course there's a possibility i could crash, but i'm getting the feeling that this time not.

the door was open - but yesterday it almost closed. it's barely cracked now, and it suits me just fine.

so i am good this morning. i will admit that i don't know if i am using anger to propel me to a new place or not. but i'm not acting on the anger - just acknowledging it.

i've also started exploring why getting ow in my face like that makes me feel done - and if there are any fears behind that. i actually don't think there are - not this time. there's just this sense that no, h you are not crossing this boundary for me.

i have no fear about telling him that i am going to forego going to this party because the chances of you being there with ow are high, and i will not be there because my values do NOT support giving s the impression that it is okay for you to be with another person while we are married and being there will give s that impression.

I cannot control if he takes s there with her or not (right now he has s that night), and am wondering if i should "offer" to take s.

but as mil said to me yesterday - about that night - you need to tell him you have plans - and he'll just have to figure out what to do.

so a bit to consider here. but as i wrote to KD - i have this strong feeling the universe has got my back on this one, and that i actually don't have to DO anything here.

i did not offer yesterday to take s - just pointed out to him that that's what his intention was. when i spelled it out like that - i think even he could see how insane and unhealthy it sounded to do this to s.

so how am i?

good! really good!!

i'm off to do my yoga and meditate before going to the tax acct. to take care of our taxes - now there's a 180 for zig, if ever there was one

how are you today labug? well? i hope?

zig

[zig]

oh busting - i'm kind of pissed as hell right now too.

i do believe i'll take s out of here if he doesn't seem to change his mind at the last minute.

actually ha ha the picture of confrontation time is coming in my mind - mil and me sitting h down and telling him to sh!t or get off the pot and that this is 1. not happening at her house, from her and me 2. you are crossing the line here, so decide!!

ooh i'm a bit fired up.

i know that - but i AM going to wait on this - i'll come and be fired up here.

theres a limit on how much disrespect i will take here - and i have reached it.

i may point out to him that ow may not have s's best interests at heart if she's pushing for this right now. poor thing - she grew up in a pretty dysfunctional setting i think, with divorced parents - god knows what sad things she had to deal with, so in her world , this may not be a big deal about meeting s and she does not realize what the true effects of this are.

how are you busting? i do believe that you are doing great - i read your posts to others and you sound STRONG!!

let's celebrate tonight, eh

zig

[labug]

That's how we best treat teach others to treat us.

Tried to post too quickly while heading to work.

Wow, I always get that helpful surge when facing something difficult. I'm not sure what it means if you don't.

Hope you have a peaceful day.

[zig]

Wow, I always get that helpful surge when facing something difficult. I'm not sure what it means if you don't.


not sure what you meant by that.

that you get that surge to help you through it and then it subsides and you are left with what?

maybe you are right and i am still in that surge, and it will subside...

the anger is dissipating - but it is not being replaced with angst or weeping, just quiet determination to keep going in the direction i am supposed to

this really helped - from Pema. went to check my email, and there it was waiting for me - timely as always. i breathed a sigh of relief and realized - i don't need to be angry to be okay - i can just be okay, because i'm not on the roller coaster any more

WANTING TO BE RIGHT

We feel that we have to be right so that we can feel good. We don’t want to be wrong because then we’ll feel bad. But we could be more compassionate toward all these parts of ourselves. The whole right and wrong business closes us down and makes our world smaller. Wanting situations and relationships to be solid, permanent, and graspable obscures the pith of the matter, which is that things are fundamentally groundless.


happy work day bug

[chatterbug]

I would cut the hugs out for now on. Actually all physical contact.

[StubbornDyke]

Wow. Brit may be Xena, but you're definitely Zena.

Agree with Chatterbug. H reaches out for hugs in order to reduce his discomfort. It's better for all if he follows through on experiencing it.

[labug]

not sure what you meant by that.

Nothing much, just a curiosity. Normally in difficult situations our biology kicks in to help us get through. Maybe you're just more in control of your lizard brain than I am.

Which is a good thing.