She has history that tells her not to trust me right now. We talk about believing nothing they say and half of what you see, but our history tells her that i'll change long enough to get her back and then i'll act in my own best interests and won't put her, or our relationship 1st. I understand why she's not reaching out, I dont like it, but I get it.
Here's the thing thats working against both of us so hard right now, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. I truly believe that is true, its the "best" predictor, but its not an ironclad thing. People can and do change, but people who actually change are pretty rare, an exception to say the least. So what we're all doing here is fighting agains history, fighting against instincts and intuition and human nature that says we are who we are and that can't be changed.
I have great faith my situation will change for the better one day as long as I do what needs to be done right now, I just don't know when one day is and thats somewhat frustrating, but in the meantime im going to continue working hard to become someone 'that only a fool would divorce' and let her see that from a distance. I had a preacher friend tell me recently to pray hard and expect good results, I like that thought alot and its where I am. But I also remember the story from the movie Facing Giants...have you ever seen it, anyway there is a point in the movie where the coach asks someone if he really believes God sent him there to tell him something and the man tells this story.
In the middle of a drought two farmers are both praying for rain, but only one farmer has gone out to prepare his fields to plant and he asks which of those two farmers do you think believed his prayers had an effect and the coach says well obviously the one who prepared his field and the older man tells him I know you've been praying, but is your field ready.
Thats a pretty bad paraphrase of the story but I think you get the point, you have to pray hard and expect good results, but you also have to do the work in the background necessary to make sure when the time comes that your field is ready.
