Not a very happy story, I'm afraid..

[25yearsmlc]

Also, what WERE her comments in the past about what you could work on

and compare them to todays.

Is there that much of a difference OR

do you really believe she is merely rationalizing B/C IF YOU DO BELIEVE THAT

it means you believe that YOU have fixed all your issues.

You really ready to say that?

Reading through my past comments and caught this one. No, I'm not ready to say that. I'm definitely not perfect.. yet. Actually, that's a joke, I really don't think of things that way. It's a matter of making choices on a day to day basis that result in yourself being happier.

For instance, today I rode my bicycle to work despite the 20% chance of rain. If I get wet, I get wet. At least I get some exercise. I was a lot happier when I was getting more exercise a few years back (weighed a lot less too). 6 months ago I would not have done that. I'd be afraid I'd get a flat, that I'd be late, that I'd get rained on, my bike would rust, etc.

She used to get intimidated when I would be concentrating on something (usually in another room or the garage or something) and she'd come in and try to start a conversation. I would try to talk and work on the computer/car/whatever at the same time, and that Just Doesn't Work For Her.

You sure the word you want to use is "intimidated"? What about neglected? What about her wanting some focussed attention from you?

I'm not sure what there is I can do about this now, other than to try not to appear "checked out" in the same ways that I used to be. And, of course, to be more open to "distraction" from her.

See it as an opportunity to interact with the woman you love, not as a distraction from your "real purpose". This is hobby stuff or what? I mean is it some important work project? Even then, take some time off to make HER THE priority or any woman will feel 2nd place or lower.



Certainly, this is something that I've been working on for the entire duration of our marriage, so it is not new, and I think I've made great strides in putting down what I have in front of me to concentrate on her.


Why do you say this?^^^ B/C the way you describe her and the behavior, it's still going on. Is it?


But at the moment, she does not interrupt me because we rarely spend any time under the same roof, and even if we are under the same roof, she has her own ways to "check out." What I have figured out to do as a 180 is to simply not physically be in the same places she expects me to be when she comes home. Take the guitar out to the backyard. Take the laptop to the living room. Obviously I can't take the motorcycle to the kitchen table and change the oil, but for those types of things that cannot be moved from a certain location, I just do those things without her around.

It's fun to change things up a bit too, so I don't mind making different choices. It may not make any difference in my situation, but I feel better about these choices, and I think with some time they will become habitual choices that will make me happier in the long run.


Good. Have you spoken to a DB coach ever? IT's cheaper than divorce and they are very specific and detailed.

I have lots more of myself to work on, for sure. Thanks for the input.

Hang in there.