Well, happened faster than I thought, but kinda how I thought....at first defensive, then aggressive, attacking me for all my faults throughout the marriage, dismissing anything good. I actually thought she was going to drop the bomb again, but she refrained, which I guess is good. She did say I could go give all my "goodness" to someone new and younger and one point, and I managed to jump in there somewhere and say "you're always my first choice."
In the end, I did tell her I was sorry for some specifics early in the marriage, and that she was right about a lot of things early on. But I also feel like we've changed places and a lot of what she's done in the last few years has been destructive and as far as OM went, I would not be in a marriage where he was part of it. She explained the "I love you" comment again (it's just because he has so low self esteem....yeah, me too, give me some! /rant) but I said it didn't matter, it was unacceptable and the relationship is continually damaging to our M.
I told her I knew it couldn't happen overnight due to the deals they are still in, but I couldn't go forward with him involved. I also reiterated that I really wasn't trying to control or manipulate, but rather, setting a boundary for what I thought was acceptable in our marriage. I reminded her that it was the only thing I was asking for...there are no other requirements. It is also her decision completely, and I was ok if she chose to leave the marriage instead.
There was a lot of attacking on her part and a few times I really got my feelings hurt. I let her drag me into arguments a few times, but I was calm 95% of the time. I saw some of the old arguments in a different light, so that was interesting, and I discussed it.
I'm glad it's over....and I'm glad I said it. I was walking on eggshells the last few days and I had told myself I wouldn't do that. Pretty productive discussion all in all....we'll see how it goes tomorrow.
