I'll leave you (for now, unless you have more questions) with this thought, and really only came here and commented because you asked me to, on mac's thread:
READ MY THREADS (see the "Transparency" thread here in Newcomers). You are VERY much like me, and your wife is VERY much like my wife was! So much so it's a little scary reading your posts. What I'm getting at is, I'm not only trying to tell you what I WOULD do, I'm telling you what I DID do, and it worked. 5 years later my wife and I have celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, our 50th birthdays, and the birth of our beautiful little granddaughter, and our relationship has never been closer.
Starsky, I REALLY appreciate your input, and you've given me a lot to think about. I'm currently reading your "Transparency" thread, will catch up on Denver's tonight, and I sincerely thank you for your help.
I see so much of a resembalance of myself as I was reading through your sitch 100%. I hope your sitch turns around more quickly than mine did. If I could do anything to have what I lost back, I would certainly do it.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
You know, it's only been a little while that I've been considering this advice Starsky, but I'm having a really tough time seeing much downside...
Honestly, what do I have to lose?
I can tell you what I'm already losing: Dignity, Self-Respect, my positive self-image, and hope that IF we get through this we could be stronger than ever.
The more I continue along this path of being a friend to her while she's with OM, the more I send the message that I'm here... being a doormat... waiting for her to make up her mind and decide that I'm the one...
Tomorrow's conversation with IC will be interesting!
If it were me (and it HAS been me!!!), this would be the question I would ask my IC:
"I'm beginning to realize that whatever marital problems I may have, that I really need to get to the root of and begin to address my own PERSONAL contributions to the dysfunction. And what I'm asking for help with is, what is it about me that would make me want to continue to pursue someone who is cheating on me, and why does it make me so sad that -- even in her CURRENT DESTRUCTIVE PATH -- I can't be with her? I want to figure this out, and learn to lay out and enforce healthier boundaries and build healthier self-esteem, so that WHATEVER my wife decides to do about THIS marriage, I will be healthier in my FUTURE relationships. Is it co-dependence, or something else?"
Hi Alkaline. Starsky asked me to take a look at your situation. I've only had time to read the posts between you and Starsky today. I think that he is giving you great advice. BUT, I do think that you have to be careful in how you go about this. Balancing the two things that you talk about IS terribly difficult.
I will try to read a bit more about your situation and get back to you. I don't like throwing out advice or comparing my situation without knowing a little bit about the other person's situation.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
