Now is not the time for "fuzzy references." Now is the time to LEAD, and to fight like hell for your marriage. I believe your wife has been waiting for you to do that, at some deep level. Now, will she scream like a witch with holy water poured on her in the SHORT term? Probably, yeah. But in the long term, you may just save your marriage.
Please read Denver2010's sitch, for a great case study in how to balance the dance.